I swear I will be single forever.

Michigan has all married men, it's like they are promised to someone at age 16.

At home, the men are just fucking freaks. I've dated two guys I found out later were BI fucking SEXUAL.

Um, no. Or they are losers with no college and have 2 kids and a crazy ex.

Ugk. I'd rather be single, yet I don't want to be.

I'm ready to dig in my ex-boy friend file, but that's just gross.

So I will be single forever, I might as well be holy because I will probably never lose my virginity. And what's sad is everyone thinks that I HAVE lost it already, I guess I'm a preverted virgin.

My goals are to lose weight and at the same time rally for a good boyfriend.

It's getting easy for me since being a reporter I feel easier to talk to people who I don't know.

Oh well, we're getting a bad storm becuase ... we're getting fucking SNOW STORMS and COLD WEATHER. I HATE MICHIGAN.

Fuckers.

Okay, so my parents said each time they see me I lose weight ... and that I need to eat more.

I laugh.

Eat more. Yeah. I already eat to much.

I haven't lost, nothing fits different, maybe a bit off my waist, if anything, but same ol' tummy and nasty back fat. I need to work out.

I keep looking at my face in the mirror and see how the fat just eats up my face. I look at my pics when I was a kid and want to cry. God I would have such a defined jaw line if I lost, I know I have fat on my cheeks and if that was lost, damn... I would look more feline than normal. I could be cat woman if I got skinny enough.

I just hate those fat people cheeks, all fat with that indent of where your supposed cheek bones are.

I hate being fat. I've been trying not to eat meat. I mean I did bad with taco bell for lunch w/ pepsi. But dinner was rice and veggies and like 3 cups of milk. Lovely, yummy! I love rice and veggies, hell ya.

Yes, if only I ate a better lunch, I would do so much better. If I did exercise, lord I think I would lose a lot. I will do this, yes, keep track of my weight and exercise and see how I do.

Oh well ...

thunder is coming closer and I am getting scared since storms are so bad, and so scary here. What if I lose electrity? I will be so scared. Ug. Okay stop obsessing Jen, go to bed.

I'm over tired.

Just pissed, I want to get out of here so bad, and I feel that my resumes I just sent is sort of hopeless, I feel they will laugh at me working here only two months...and asking for a job. They will laugh and throw all my hard work in the trash.

Or...

Call me and say, hey let's interview and see what you can do.

I don't think that will happen, but we can hope.

Oh well, I don't know why but this whole week I've been very lonely. I mean LONELY. I want to cry all the time and I wonder if I am slipping back into my first weeks of being here depression.

I just feel sad nearly all the time. I can't remember when I was happy and felt complete. I really can't remember the last time I was comfortable. I just want to live with people and stop being alone. It's like each night this week I've cried and if I didn't go to work so early I would probably cry more in the morning. Crying only helps me fall deeper into my own personal sadness, I question what am I doing here and why can't I cope like I did before. What happened this week that was so different.

I feel forgotten, I believe that's it. When no one calls me or no ones home. I feel forgotten, that thing they threw away.

That's why I want to lose weight, I know if I lost that would be a beacon for dating, I know that is shallow, but that is how people are. If men had to pick a fat girl with low self confidence, to a thin girl with higher self confidence, I think we know who'd they pick.

I know losing weight won't make my life perfect, but it will help me alot with confidence, and that's what I need.

I just need so much right now and I don't know what to do.

My life right now, despair, desperate ... sad.

The storm is coming closer and there is no where I can go but under my covers, and wait for it to leave.

�

pet ramps