Today was nutty! I mean I go to work thinking I will be yelled at by my boss, but no, he's in a good mood and is happy and tells me if I ever want to take a weekend off, that's just ducky.

So one crisis done, another arises.

I am paginating and thought I had only 18 pages to do, so I do 9 and then have to stop because it's only on two computers and those two owners have come to do their work, so I have 9 pages done, then the girl who's training me is like, oh there is 28! I'm like FUCK. I worked on just those 9 from about 9:40 till 3! With a half hour for lunch and about a 20 mins in a meeting... SO she tells me "well they are due by 1:00 TOMORROW"

I'm like FUCk ME so I leave for the day and am freaking, why is she making me do all of this? I thought I was only doing half? So I am still upset that I know I can't make deadline because I work so slowly because I don't know where everything is...she is SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME! So tomorrow I'm going to be there by 8:00, and work and work and work and when she comes in I will tell her, I NEED HELP there is NO way I can finish this by then. I won't flip, but she has to know that she only trained me TWO days and now a week later I am still rusty, I don't think it's right at ALL that she threw this at me and expects me to finish all of this in only a few hours. So it's as much my fault as hers. See I COULD"VE worked on it tonight, but she was taking so fucking long on her computer and I was so tired (this is at 6:30 p.m., I had been working 8 hours) I mean hell I could've stayed tonight and worked and worked on it, but fuck I wouldn't be able to get out until like 9 or 10, and even then have to come in early to work more. I told myself NO that is just to much I'm not baring this weight when she is the one would should've only have me a few pages, it's like letting a kid drive a car with you for two days, then throw the keys at him and tell him to drive 5 hours on the highway. It just won't work, there will be accidents!

I just am SO FUCKING upset that I will probably piss her off and then look like an ass because I didn't speak up, I mean I FLIP when things don't go perfectly under my rule. I mean I rarely am like this, but man I'm so fucking stressed right now. I am on edge and have been since Thursday.

While getting out of the bath I felt alone again and then thought about tomorrow and just burst into tears. I feel so hot, I think I have a fever, or maybe PMS is saying goodbye, but I feel like shit, am so stressed, that I've cried for the last two nights, just sat here crying at a computer screen because I am so fucked up.

Anyway, anyway, I got all my resumes and shit ready to go tomorrow, just have to send them out at lunch. There are 4, 3 going to one paper and one going to another. I kept thinking, God what would happen if I get a call? Then I thought, how unhappy I will ben when I don't get those calls.

My Mom said today that my boss must know what I don't like it here and will most likely leave soon...he keeps asking how I like it, why I don't "buddy up" with others in the newsroom, how long will I stay? He always asks me these questions and never lets me answer them, I believe because he knows I will tell the truth.

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pet ramps