I had a long day, driving in rain, and now it's snowing, yuck.

I got home today and just felt, very very alone. I mean I felt like a really deep saddness, I mean I truetly felt alone. I tried calling home and everyone was busy, and I felt even more alone and wanted to cry, but no tears came.

I feel like Lydia in Beetlejuice, "I am utterly and totally alone ...."

So, it's snowing 2 inches tonight, supposedly going to melt, but still, I am freezing here and I can't get warm. Everyone at home was SICK, and I haven't been sick at all this year, so I pray I'm not getting sick and it's just the end of my period.

I was doing okay in eating, until dinner when I made a pizza and ate it ALL.

I got Diet Pepsi too and a bunch of stuff to make at home. I got veggies and even bought bananas and fruit cocktail (LIGHT) and milk and shit. So besides my shitty pizza episode, I did ok. I walked on the treadmill too.

I still am feeling alone and I am feeling like i could cry and cry my eyes out tonight because I am so tired of being alone, tired of 3 days of my former live, then back to being on my own, no one to rub my forehead after a bad day, or have my Mom tell me that I need to make my bed or that I took to long in the bathroom. I hate being alone, what will I do if I ever should have to be alone, I wouldn't make it, I'd be a whore and have a million pets. Get pregnet just to have a kid so I will never be alone.

I know I'm thinking crazy, it's just sometimes I feel extreme and want to change things that I can't. So it's hard.

Plus this whole weekend I've been worried about my boss yelling at me, and tomorrow I know probably nothing will happen, but it might, and that worries me. I also will be thrown into doing that damn pagination, I don't know or remember how to do it.

I will send out 4 resumes Tuesday and then pray to God to please help me out of here.

Right now I just want to be at home with my dog laying on my lap with his head resting on my leg and me petting his ears that feel like fine leather or maybe velvet, they feel like what I would think a bat wing to feel like. Then I'd scratch that itchy area on his side and his leg was start kicking and he'd make a funny face. At that moment my Ma would yell for me in the basement to pick up my clothes and then I would go to bed and sleep easy knowing that I'm not alone, at least at that moment, at least for now.

So this must be the end of my period and hopefully not the beginning of a cold. It feels good to cry, I haven't cried for a long time, just teared up, as I did leaving today. I will never become accustomed to living here. As I drove to Michigan I started missing all the stores, the traffic of home. I wanted for once to see black people, not to be racist, but, there are no black people where I am in Michigan, it's rare to see anyone but white.

At home, it's a mix. I miss that, miss seeing people of different races, just fucking white trash here. Stump jumping fuckers. God get me out of here.

�

pet ramps