Today was a fucked up day. I have period from HELL, serious HELL! I wear LIGHT colored pants today thinking, I'm not going to let my period rule my LIFE.

I should've known.

SO I go to the bathroom at the Sheriff's office and blamo I make a "mess" and have to change my pants. SO I yank my shirt down over my ass and pray that it doesn't come up as I do my business, go back to the office and say I'm LEAVING to go home (lucky me I had to do a interview close to home or else I don't know what I would've done) so, I change and then all day I've felt really tired and my ears keep closing up. I'm guessin it's PMS, I have cramps real bad right now.

Yet, I feel alright.

Where I used to work is asking for two reporters and I read they are taking entry level now since they company changed hands. FUCK I said to myself and I emailed my connection there and asked him if he thinks I would toss a resume out to my old boss just to let her know I'm here and keep me in mind. I hope my connection isn't mad at me, I emailed him when I first got here and he never emailed back, so I hope he's doesn't think I'm a baby who wants to come home, though I am. I emailed and said I'm having a "great time" ... ya right, then slipped in that maybe I should send my resume to that chick because I feel like I'm missing out somehow, so hopefully he'll email me back, or else if he doesn't that means he's probably pisssed at me....but man, how lovely, fucking lovely would it be to go home. I'm just worried how my current boss would react, they woudl be pissed, me working there what for only a few months? Well, oh well, fuck em.

So my mom told me today that I have lost weight and she said her and dad talked about me. they said that I actually have long legs now. but I should work on my ass because "your legs are so long" I said...thanks I think......I'm just a big fat ass now huh, I asked mom if I look like a walking beach ball and she laughed, no.

Last night I wrote, yes wrote, two pages of a story that I dont know if I will keep. I want to write happy and humorous and I endup writing sad and depressing and probably boring. So who knows.

So I have such bad ass cramps! LORD HELP ME.

I got home today and totally cleaned, like a freak. Last night I was so fucking awake, so I'm overly tired, I don't know why I kept waking up last night.

AND I ATE OKAY TODAY. Breakfast was two slices toast w/ Jam. Lunch was rice and a man at this school MADE me a smoothie, ice, banana and pineapple, fresh...VERY GOOD, dinner was a piece of grilled chicken and a bowl of noodle soup, glass of pop and low fat fruit snacks. YUM. Not to shabby, nix the pop.

I will say right now I'm feeling very lost. Almost out of control, I don't know what I want, I want to go home, and I don't want to hurt or piss off where I'm working now, I want to do what's right for me and just have things become easy again. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be bothered, I just want to be complete and know what my lot in life is or is going to become, or what it should be.

I guess I just want to be constant and not so changeable anymore. Just for a while I want to be complete and not think about how to get ahead and better anything in my life! I just want to live again.

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pet ramps