I'm to the point I'm ready to start taking Hydroxycut again, I know it was a nasty diet pill that I set so much upon, but damn it, it DID work. I DID lose when I took it, I DID stop drinking pop and eating fast food.

Yet.

It made my chest hurt as if I was having a 50 lb doxie sitting on my chest. I read it's chest spasmings.

A small price to pay?

I don't know, I guess I have diet desperation in a way. I feel huge and fat, if I jump up and down I feel fat shaking....today I walked up a flight of stairs and for once was out of breath. I didn't have that before when I was actually WORKING OUT.

So it has me thinking, yet I still had my lovely carmel eggs and pop. Yeah, great fucking diet jenny, way to fucking go.

You suck Jenny.

Oh well, today at work I thought my boss was going to yell at me for my time card, he whispered close to my ear I felt like ... a dog getting yelled at. Something in that way, like scared, yet why should I be scared?

It was funky. Then I was at this mocking training and this army dude came in and did that heel clicking salute to this cop, holy shit it struck me as very hot. lol I usually am not one to go ga ga over anyone, but just to see that huge musclar man trained like that for some twinky guy, wooo. lol

Maybe it's my period.

Hm, maybe I'm ... shutter ... ready to start seriously dating?

It's strange since I've been up here I talk to guys freely, so nicely, not shy, just a girl with nothing to lose. I guess I've come to a place that I just don't give a fuck, look at how I eat, am I out of control? What am I going through...?

ANYWAY, God I've missed writing in this thing.

My Dad and Sis is coming up tonight, everyone's leaving Sunday, coming back Tuesday, then leaving Sunday. So...it's so nice, so great to not be alone, yet I can't wait to be alone so I can exercise and get back on track. I know I will change my tune once I'm alone, I am craving just craving summer so I don't have to be scared to come home to nothing.

I am craving finding my job at home, the other day I was in the office and kept dreaming of when I give my notice...lord will this be nice. Very very nice.

Then today I thought about God. I was in this church with all these God people and I said "Oh my God!" and was like shit! Then I laughed at this kid and said, "Jesus, he's cute..." I felt like...strange....oops...but then thought, Lord maybe I am Satan or a bad person....then I thought, ...... I don't know.....I guess I felt okay about it, deal with it....I'm sure I'm not the only girl who's used the lords name in vain in "his" house.

�

pet ramps