Well, I DID type a long entry last night and then my SHITTY computer deleted it! FUCK!! I hate that. I should've cut and pasted like I always do, but I thought maybe, just maybe things would go my way.

So I finally got a reply back from a local paper at home and I'm sending in my resume, though they haven't any jobs open. They'll keep it for a year, which is good.....

My mom was telling me that I should buy a new computer tower for here in Michigan and I said I don't want to be here THAT LONG. SO she said, well you better settle in, look how many resumes you sent out before and how many replied to you, zero....

THanks alot.

So I said, yeah they were to CHICAGO and FLORIDA where it's much tougher...so we went on and I said, sorry I've got nothing else to do here except job hunt, so again she said, well better start settling, I said I AM NOT SETTLING HERE.

That pisses me OFF. She knows I HATE IT HERE and if she thinks that her yelling at me will make me just LOVE it here, I won't. I don't even try my hardest at work, because I HATE IT HERE. I told my mom this and she nearly cried, my dad will probably yell at me, but so sorry I am not HAPPY. So sorry I am so fucking depressed I can tear my hair out each fucking morning and wish I could get really sick or be fired so I can go home.

But no.

Jenny, you stay there.

Fuck you! She's a bitch telling me that no one will hire me. Fuck off!! I do NOT want to be here a year even, not even another 5 months! I'd leave tomorrow if I could go home to a job. She can bite because if, no WHEN, I get my job at home, I will laugh my ass off. I think I've accumilated enough experience to be a player now in the reporting field. I have a nice arsenal of articles even, I merely need 4 good ones, and I've enough to show employers my work. I just need for someone to give me a chance. Because here, I just can't work and be happy when I am so depressed and sad. I don't know what they expect from me when they've never done anything like this, even my sister, everyone saying how can I live up here?

Yesterday I told max I wish I was with him going home, and it's like I know I can't go home w/o a job, and damn it I'm not letting my MOM tell me that I can't get another job reporting at home. I am never going to stop trying for jobs either, I don't care if they say I don't have enough experience, damn it I'd rather interview with them and them tell me NO then sit here wallowing in despair and doing NOTHING, just waiting for a year to pass by before I start looking. Noo noooo! I am going to constantly move and shake till I get the fuck out of here, I don't care what I have to do.

I just think it's funny that my parents seem to think they can tell me to LIKE something, tell me how to FEEL, tell me that I can't change my mind, I want to say WHY NOT? They tell me to grow up and this is LIFE, and I say,, NO THIS iSN"T MY LIFE. This isn't how I am going to LIVE. Grow up? Well I think making decisions and knowing what's right for me is adult enough. Grow up? Only if they would stop treating me like a kid away at camp, like they have a say in what I choose to do with my life and career, this isn't day camp where I say I want to leave and they say no and refuse to pick me up, no, this IS life, and this IS adulthood telling me this ISN'T a right fit for me when I am not willing to try my best and want to work my hardest for them, I just don't feel that here at all.

So I've left to say....

Why am I here? What the fuck am I doing here? Why did I leave? Didn't I know? I knew, but pushing pushing pushing, so did my parents. They made it sound okay, and secretly, deep down, I knew...but again, I didn't listen to me, but to everyone else.... Oh it sounds so good when others say it, the way you say it....fuck it sounded so good...........

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pet ramps