It's cold, snowy and cold. I haven't been outside all day.

I woke up and started cleaning and now it's 10 at night and I'm very tired. I felt okay today, not as cry-y as yesterday. Still, I keep feeling like I don't want to be here. I even have hope that this job I applied for in Chicago might come through, though I know it won't.... Wishful thinking I suppose.

So we're in the winter storm of the year here in Shitty Michigan. There is 14 inches on the ground, and more is coming. It started last night at 1 and it's still going and will continue until Monday I think. So that's so much snow, that I can't begin to think how I can drive in all this, I've never driven in snow this deep, in such a alien area. The drive way is on a hill, so I can just slide down and hope a semi isn't coming down the road.

HM, I'm hitting my head on the wall thinking why am I here? Then getting angry at my Ma since she's the one who pushed me to go for this fucking job.

I know it's good and for a year or more or less ... I need this experience to get to where I want to be. I have no goals, I swear to God, I just want to keep moving foward and find some place of happiness. I'm thinking being alone isn't going to be so gravy as I originally thought it to be. I nearly cry to think of home, my bed, my familiar place, friends, people to talk to, people to care for me. I feel like a freakin puppy thrust into adult hood.

Oh well, a disgusting thing happened today, I was sitting at the computer and kept hearing a scratching and chirpy/screechy sound. So I sat quitely and made my mom turn off the tv, and I heard it again and then LOUD scratching, so much that I got up quickly and stumbled back. A fucking bat was in our vents. I hate bats and mice, I am very scared of them!! So my Dad went into the basement (after I whined the whole time and said I wanted to go home) and he killed it. I guess it was hibernating and I know I would've freaked if I would've been here alone. I don't care, I know I sound needy and someone who must be around people, dependant, but fuck it, that's how I am. I don't like to be alone like this. I hate to think how very long I will have to be here, in this shit dead town, until I can con my way into a job. Fuck. What was I thinking.

Hm, I have a headache, I have 3 candles burning since it smells like musty socks in the house, I keep wondering what else will awaken from it's winter hiberation to scare the living SHIT out of me tonight. I can't image being here at night alone like this, I hate the night here, the day is bearable, but the night, I want to just die I get so afraid. Oh well I will update tomorrow, another day before my parents leave on Monday, when I will cry like a fool and then go to work looking like hell, if I do even work Monday thanks to this snow.

What they must be thinking, this girl, Jenny, gets hired, and a murder happens then this snow storm hits. Jenny blew into town with the worst storm of the year. Is this coincidence? If so, is this a good or bad thing? How should I look at all of this? Everyone is happy for me, yet no one can fathom ever leaving their lot to go to an alien location, they romanticize it with an "adventure" but it's really just a shitty part of life, leaving. Learning what you value and whom you truly love. What degree will I ever come to when I learn to just let things go?

I want to go home.

�

pet ramps