I'm not sure if this will work since my old computer is just now remembering how to work correctly!

Well, I got the net to work after an hour of fiddling around with it, then my fucking uncle calling and my Dad tying up the line for about an hour. I finally got on the net and it needed an update, which will take 2 hours, so hell, I might just leave on the computer tonight, it's just to long of a wait and I'm really tired from traveling. I have bags under my eyes.

Oh well, I can't wait to set up this computer fully, I'm sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace with a keyboard on my lap and the monitor on the floor.

I miss home, desperately. I don't know how people deal with home sickness, I guess I will learn.

My friend called me at work and I didn't call him until I was on the road, getting on the highway, so he asked where I was, and I saw his car driving crazy, and then beeping at some guy in front of him...he raced his car next to mine and got on the express way with me just to wave goodbye.

I laughed and he did too...then he pulled off on the next exit.

Then I started crying.

It was all very tramatic.

There I am scared to be driving on the expressway, and me crying so hard that I can barely see and god knows what those around me are thinking of a fat girl crying her eyes out on the expressway.

So I'm missing my warm bed with the most softest pillows and blankets, verses my cold hard uncomfortable bed with rough blankets, I'm missing laying with the TV on and waiting for Pookie to call...no TV in my room here! The street lights shining in and showing all, none here! The trains every 30 minutes...lovely sound, really it is, ...there are no trains here.

I miss home as I should be expecting to, but I didn't think it would be this hard since this IS my second home, I am familiar with my surrounds and people are visiting me every week or two...three at the most. Why does it feel so terrible??

I can deal with the emotions, but it's like I want to CRY my eyes out all the time. I hate this, I am NOT a crying person, I'm usually very ..."bottle it up" type, but it's like I cried today because I thought of my DOG. OMG JUST MY DOG. Or when I cried about Pookie...it's POOKIE!! Just pookie, not anyone I truly love/care about!!

So I am a mess and I just want to go home and bury my head in my pillow and just weep.

But no, tomorrow I will clean my room and undoubtedly cry and cry in my mind and heart and try not to show it, though my eyes are currently red and a nice shade of aqua blue (they turn colors when I cry) and my nose is red. I keep wondering how I will go to work monday after saying goodbye ... I know I'll cry and that'll be nice to go my first day with cry eyes and red nose and fake act like I'm happy.

I hate life sometimes, why does it feel like I'm the only one who goes through this type of thing? I'm never seen my sister go through this, my mom or my dad, even Pookie, just me who moves away then asks herself why does she do this to herself??

How can I be so ambious yet this aspect of leaving is something that I can't conquer, why am I so close and depandent on those around me for my happiness...am I not cool enough to hang out with myself and talk to myself??

Woo I sound freaky, oh well I am tired and cranky and must get to bed, I will try to write tomorrow.

�

pet ramps