What a long day, I went to Greencastle to pick up a few things, I ended up spending two hours in a dark, dirty, attic, just looking through boxes. I ended up with a old clock, 2 antique mirrors and loads of pictures of my great great great grandparents (why were these in the attic??!) I looked in the rafters and found some old architechure pieces -- it's a Victorian house and when they built it, they left the old unused pieces in the attic, I took a lot this time. I love those spindles and scrolled pieces of wood. I also took a piano stool, very ornate and in good condition. I also found a wedding dress, it's beautiful and my dad said it's either my great grandmothers or my great aunts. It's so tiny, like size 2 and it's all in satin -- the head piece is in beads, like a 1920's gown. I went with my friend Max, we had fun.

Tomorrow I have to tell my boss I quit. So that'll be a bit strange. I'm not to worried. Today when I got home from Greencastle my sister gave me that, oh shit look. See this morning my Mom was off the fucking wall, she was acting like she was ready to flip out on anything. I was VERY happy to have left for the day, I guess her and my sister got in it. So our house is very hostile right now, tension. I hate when my Mom is in a flip out mood. Everyone is now in a bad mood, ooh I'm not talking to anyone tonight.

I've envisioned how I'm going to move around my bedroom in michigan. All the boxes and shit go upstairs, I will take one of the twin beds up there too. Then I will haul in this antique spool cabinet, and put that next to my bed to put a lamp on. Then I will put in the treatmill and possibly the Elliptical trainer. I think I'll bring my TV up so I can put that in my room...so I will probably drag in an old chair and set the TV on it....something like that...I think I might put up a shelf in there...hm. OH and I need to clean out my closet seriously. There are books and crap in the bottom of it. I will clean that out and then throw out all the clothes in my dresser there....so that will be nice. I want to then begin looking for an apartment sometime over the summer.

Why does it feel like this is just a dream, like it's not actually happening.

Is this denial?

Right now, truthfully, I feel like I don't want to do this, I'm close to tears again. I just do not want to leave home. I can take leaving my parents, but my friends? I can't take that, who will I hang out with! Who will I see movies with. I'm not good at making friends, I'll admit it...I am very selective at who I choose to be my friends to hang out with, and seriously I'm the type to have only a few close friends. I'll just have to hurry up and find a job at home.

My dad is pissing me off, he's angry because my mom is being a bitch, she stayed home all day and didn't even clean or cook, just sat on her ass watching tv and dictating and casting her shitty ass mood on everyone. (SORRY, I hate people who can't let shit go! MOVE ON) So he takes this out on me and my sister. So he's slamming shit around and cursing, and then gives me a dirty look because I had a box on a chair, then slams it outside and then curses. I love you too.

I am very unhappy in my current life, it feels like everything is falling apart and it will never be the same. What's sad, is that it's true. My sister can't get along with my parents, I have to leave, unwantingly, so that I can have a good professional life, but a deadend personal life. I will *try* hard to find friends to hang with.

OH AND ALSO my fucking fitness friends, WHORES. I tell them my news and only get an e-mail from three of them. Okay, would it be wrong to put them on my IGNORE list. I *hate* being ignored, you know if you don't want to read my shit then TELL ME. Some group .... what's the use of enemies with a group like that. Snatches! Fuck them, that is the LAST TIME they will hear from me. I am going to ignore everyone of em', fuck it fuck it fuck it!!!! ...I'm tired of this fake shit. There are no true friends in that group (except Lucy) that I would consider keeping on. I will ignore all of them except Deb and Lucy, the rest can suck my ass.

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pet ramps