I wrote this poem last night because I was angry...it's kinda goofy, I hate to rhyme, so it's pretty stupid, lol.

HATE

I like to hate

It's good like cake

It tastes so good

When it's fresh

Directed

And with a hot cup

Of

Sincerity

Hate's good

Feel good

Food

But like cake

It's only good

in

moderation or

it starts to taste bitter

TA DAAAAAA....I know it's lame, but ooh I was mad at life yesterday. Today I'm a bit giddy, call it PMS. Wooo weee, I sat all day thinking fuck I'm just going to lay that lady out straight who interviews me saying you know it's okay that I write articles for this paper when I interned and when my boss gives me things, so why can't I work full time? I will ask in a bold manner and dazzle them with my boldness, then not get the job, but still get my anger across. Damn it I want to work! Why is this so hard for them to see! Then today I asked this person what type of things are in reporting tests, and he's like know the primeminsters...WHAT!? Who fucking cares, this is a general assignment position, no one knows the primeminsters! Who cares! Will I ever, ever get a reporting job!!? What's going on here!

I keep thinking, well maybe I should try professional writing, ala' editing and stuff like that. I know I can kinda do that. HM!

Tonight my parents talked to my sister, which means, they sat her down and yelled at her, it's more like you listen to their bitching and feel threatened by having two people in your face and feel like whatever you say is taken out of context and blasted into something outrageous...like "Ma, I am trying real hard to get a job" --- "JENNY YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ____"

OH WELL TODAY I learned my short story was vetoed by two publishers, they said it was good, but not in their style - they said I've bad luck since they aren't doing short stories right now. Oh well, oh well, what's more bad news, I really sincerely think that life is bad all the time with only moments of happiness. I don't mind anymore, I've been let down and fucked with so many times it doesn't bother me anymore.

I'm a writer, I expect rejection. Or, I'm a loser, I expect rejection, same thing.

Okay, so today I got some stuff at GNC for my new hobby of weight loss. I know I can't get rejected in that field since I control it myself. I got pills and shakes and bars and junk. I got paper for my notebook...I got it all baby, just gotta start now. lol I have to take my *shutter* before pictures and put them on my web page and update that. A few people e-mailed me concerning my diet page asking when I'd update, and if I were on WW still, I feel a bit bad because I'm not on WW. But hell it's the same thing WW is losing weight and I am losing weight. I am just using a lot more things....I mean shakes and bars...pills. I shunned these before and now I embrace them. I guess we all change our minds sooner or later.

I'm just trying to not let my job situation consume me. I hate waiting, I am sorry, I am very very "let's race up that ladder" type of person. I feel like shit and get angry when I can't. It's like my sister is bitching she can't find a better job, but hell she's full time, she didn't even have to sub when she graduated college, she got a teaching job -- BAM! Me, I graduate and am in the same *FUCKING* spot. I send out my resumes and have heard nothing. I could literally cry over this. I know the one resume begins their search on Feb.9th and others begin later, but it hurts soo much. Especially after what my mom said to me, it's like, I want to show everyone I can do it. My mom thinks that I think I'm not ready, but it's not that, it's very hard to write and she doesn't understand this. When you have to write a story for someone who's been in the business that long, you have to make sure it's near perfect. Get your AP style perfect.

I'm beginning to think my only way of survival is finding a man and getting married so I know I'll be taken care of, like I have been all my life. That way I'd know I'd have someone to support me, I know this is against my feminist ways, but it's beginning to look like a great idea. I just have to lose weight and find him. UGG. I hate to think of it like that. But it's human nature isn't it. The prettiest survives....

Oh well ta-ta another fun filled day of being treated less than I am, and feeling less than I should.

�

pet ramps