Okay, I totally locked my diet diary on this site. I'm contemplating just trashing my bottle of Hydroxycut. I still have these nasty head aches, and my chest feels better. What set me off was reading rolling stone mag, it had an article about weight lifters and pills, of course they mentioned the Ma Huang/ephinerne whatever it's called, and it told of a body who had CHEST PAINS, dizzy, ... etc. A light went off in my head and I said, fuck me, if that isn't what I'm experiencing TOO.

SO it's two days I'm off of the, two days I've been eating shitty. I might as well go buy something to curb my appetite. Something, I'm not sure ... I already talked about this.

Okay, I am nearly done with my small article. Talking to people about things I could care less about, is hard. So many times in my interviews today with the beauty pageant, I couldn't quite get the name correct, and tried not to act like I didn't care. I didn't do that bad.

Oh well, it's nice to do nothing now, to be lazy. MM, I enjoy it a lot. I still keep thinking about joining that gym, and today it struck me that damn, how would I work out in front of people w/o feeling strange, I haven't done that in a while. I'll just have to there, see what's going on....just SOMETHING. I want to continue to lose. I'm at that point I will do ANYTHING.

OH AND I really AM a jack ass. Today I realized that maybe my firewall is causing my web page woes. It kinda was, though my one page still is taking forever to load. How annoying. It's not loading now as I type and it's pissing me off...fucking AOL.

Ooh ooh I do enjoy these people e-mailing me about weight loss, that's good stuff there. I love to see how others do it, I mean what is there secret. They act like it's SO fucking easy, I read in my fitness mags and such, OH it was so easy to eat carrots all day and then eat a lettuce leaf, then work out for 5 hours....BS. It's nutty like that...I used to be so determined like that, then I don't know.... God am I meant to be fat!? I don't think so, I know I'm not meant to be a size 2 ... as I'm medium boned and tall 5'9 maybe a size 16....hmmmm....fuck just give me a size 20 and I'll be happy. OKAY JENNY back to basics, back to working out like a maniac and loving it....back to it all. Fuck if my friend dawn can do it, so can I.

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