Ugg, you damn people...lol geez so many e-mails about my diet pills! Ugg, I want to say fuck I can lose without them, yet hell I did lose when I AM on them! I'm ready, yes, ready, to say fuck this, and go to the gym the people I work for have. Though 20 mins away, I could do it after work, or before. I could take a lesser vitamin, ala maybe just chrom-pictate or something lesser, not so dangerous as the Hydroxycut, hell maybe I should just start taking multi-vitamins all the time. I just feel like when I take the Hydroxycut, that I must eat right, like today I didn't take them becaue I felt sick, so I thought, well I can have pop and I ate like SHIT. How can I keep this feeling w/o taking them??

Fuck it, I'm going to go to that gym and see what they have to offer. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. I will eat so much less, oh no pop, oh why is it so easy, yet so hard! So many people tell me conflicting things, it makes me nuts!! I do know working out is what saves me anymore.

Okay ... I think I'm in the twilight zone this week. Every guy on the net who's hit on me, accepts fat chicks. They see my pic and say I'm pretty, very different from the shitty eww a fat girl comments. I think someone is paying someone to lift my self esteem. Though 40 year olds are hitting on me like there is no tomorrow. This one was particualary good with some erotic word play, sick-o. It was funny.

Oh well, I have another headache, I should take some aspirin, I can now that I'm not on anything. OHHh and Oooh OMG I got a STORY today to write. I was so happy, they've never done this before. Though it's on a damn teen beauty contest, I'm So against this...but...it's a story, it's me showing I can write well ... it's getting my name out. I'm climbing that ladder a bit. I think it has to do with a lot ... a lot how you look in the business world. In the world in general. So I must lose this weight.

I found a job in Orlando, I saw it before and...I might apply. I also accidently applied for a job in Komomo, Indiana...2 hrs away, I didn't mean to apply, it was one of those "apply now" and I thought, I'll see what it says, and it SENT IN MY RESUME! it's for a senior staff writer, so I don't think I have a chance ... I'm definately not a senior writer, I've barely any experience, I mean if you count that I was a writer and copy editor for the college paper for 2 years...well then....

Oh well, I have to remember that some of these jobs dont' begin looking at resumes until their deadline is up....so it's not that they aren't calling me, but waiting for that deadline date. I really need to calm down, and just chill out. Tell myself to quit freaking about trival things. Today I was looking at furniture and rugs and stuff for the house when my parents move out. I love doing that, I am the type who can make something look so expensive, but in reality, I did it a cheap way. I have a good eye for things like that....I want to start drawing again and frame some of my work, I used to win awards for my works ... in high school. My painting is in my elementary school for a memorial, it'll always be there, that's cool... I even took my portfolio to the Chicago Art Institute, they liked some of my pieces and told me I have a great eye for color ... I LOVE pastels, aww, I miss art a lot of the time...*sigh*

I'll have to draw something soon, but first I want to write again. My short story, two of them, might go into this book of short stories. I think that's neat... already two of my poems are published. It feels werid to think someone is reading them, and thinking about them...and wondering about them. I love that! Especially my short stories, I love LOVE that. It's such a great feeling to have someone ask you what you were thinking or how I came up with the idea....

Ohh I need to set aside time to think up good stories.... I love writing in the Twilight Zone fashion, it's my best. OKAY write more, eat less, exercise at the gym, and draw something.

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pet ramps