I swearrrr there are journalism jobs EVERYWHERE except Chicago and NW Indiana. Yeah, there are some in fucking IOWA and KANSAS, but in a big city? Hell no. I am SO tired of working part time! I mean I got my credit card bill today and it knocked my socks off. Then I realized my car payment is coming, then realized shit I need other things like GAS ... at 8 dollars and hour, 25 hours a week ...

I have nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ooh that was a bit freaky rage. Things like this hit me because I feel as if I've been cheated in some way, in college everyone making me believe jobs would be simple for me, since I was a good writer. In college, I was a reporter, I was a top reporter for that fact. I was known, I made a name for myself. Now I have to start over, and climbing up the ladder isn't going so well, I have road blocks in my ladder, those who think I try to climb to fast ... I admit it, I am ambitious, I want to get to the top as fast as I can. Is that so bad?

I wish I took that approach with weight loss. Lord I should be skinny by now, if I were that way .... I keep wondering if my dreams of being thin are just that ... dreams. I keep trying and feel the same all the time. Like I'm going in circles. I see those Bali commercals and wonder if I will ever be one of those girls all toned and beautiful. I'm ready to join this gym that the place I work for has. It's a far drive though, nearly 20 mins out, but fuck, if I went after work or before.... Hmm....I've been trying to make weight loss my hobby, myself my own hobby in a way. I mean I am dead set on losing weight hence my diet pill dilemma. I used to say they are horrid, now I'm one of the satistics taking them. Yes, I've lost weight with them, but what now...the side effects, getting off of them? Will I gain??? Now what?

OH well, I'm dropping the guy that keeps calling me. What's new? I so wish that guy at work would talk to me. He's probably married though, but fuck the way he smiles at me, I don't know if it's that kind of smile or what. When I says something off handedly to me, I freeze up. It's nice to see him though, he looks like someone I'd date, but again, he's probably married, or doesn't even notice me. Or wouldnt' date me, or hell it's the workplace... Still I wish my boss would give me an assignment with him, or ... him explain something about the news to me ... something. lol It's nice to fantize.

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