Ooh I watched the 48 hrs TV show about weight. It was really interesting. They, of course, talked about the Mu Huang --- that terror of it for causing deaths. They said to stay away from it, this is in the diet pills/vitamins I TAKE. See it speeds up the heart, and if you have heart problems, it could kill you. See now, I've heard it's safe if you don't OD on it. I mean the FDA has NOT banned it. So far, I've taken it and not seen my heart beat funky, or anything. The only side effects I've had, is feeling hot, headaches (but that could be from not drinking pop/no caffenine) ... and I get very cranky, like SATAN is in me, I'm not even sure they are side effects, I mean everything bad is a side effect ....

Okay, so God I'm feeling single again. It's strange since I am always talking to a guy -- I mean always -- but not NOW. So I'm feeling kinda lonely, even if a guy to pay attention to me, that's what I like, even on the net. But lately it's been dull, I mean nothing. I ignored that college guy, he creeped me out, and I believe God is laughing at me right now. I feel very loser-ish and I begin to wonder if I have relationship problems. Seriously, I shutter to think of dating a man seriously, yet I want to. I go back and forth, and I realize that I push people away before they can push me away. I've always been like that, which is why I'm having troubles realizing this. Plus the fact I feel I am not good enough, like someone just can't like me, ME the fat girl, me who hides behind her weight, which is something to blame for me not being scared of people. I'm beginning to really see myself, my problems. I'm thinking of how to fix them. Like I can't keep eye contact with people, I'm always looking down, nervous, little girl. I keep noticing that, and I again think I'm fucked up bad, and it has to do with my childhood. I don't know what happend back then to fuck me up. Maybe being made fun of since I was a child because of my weight, can I say I remember a time when my aunt told me no one would want a fat girl??? I don't remember, but I want to ... I want to know why I have these problems with people, why I can't get close with someone. WHY WHY WHY?? I want to think that if I lose weight I'll be different, more confident. I see it as I could be as skinny as a rail and still think badly of myself. SO FROM NOW ON, I am going to try to look people in the eye and not be so scared of them, maybe let someone push me away before I can push them away. I CAN DO THIS. My goal is to be more vixen-ish, to say, damn it I'm a girl and I need to start dating since let's face it, I'm 24 and in a few years I'll be 30 .... then 40 ... then I'll be an old maid living with her 20 cats and over grown yard, yelling at the neighbors kids and hating myself. I seriously think I will DIE if I should turn out like that! UGG I'm so dissapointed in where my life is, why have I made so many mistakes????? >:O What's wrong with me!?

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pet ramps