I saw the Magnificent ...T .. something tonight, I can't remember the name of it! It was really good, I love that type of writing and ideas, that make you laugh and get you off guard. It makes me wonder why I can't write things like that, or why I can't keep an idea book, of story ideas. I mean before I had such a great idea, then I forgot it like a dumbass!!

Just like last night, I had some neat ideas about possible stories. Like, taking ordinary things and making them unordinary. Like inhalers or refridgerators, like taking something so common and making it scary. Then I move to the fat culture and I want to write a tell all since it's a daily thing for me.

Then I wonder why ... why I can't find a job. No one said it would be this hard, they told me I could walk into a reporting job, many told me that I could, would, be a wonderful writer and reporter. Yet I sit in a shit ass fucking part time job, I have to lie on my time card just to get 25 hours a week. My job is just writing daily police reports, all the same, DUI, DWS, Public Intox, theft ... all the same. I get so tired of this job, it's so unmotivational, so drab, it never changes, I feel stuck!!! I want out, I'm trying to get out, but it's getting so hard. It's like I want to quit and just lay in bed all day and hide away and say I'm a failure. Oh, I could be so much better, if only I could write and do my own stories each day. I wonder how the rest of my life will be now with this my first dose of the media world.

I hate it, I hate starting work at 9:30 and being all finished by 12:30 or earlier then trying to act busy, then slip out of work. People ask me how many hours I get, how the job is going. I look at them wanted to say, I hate this job, it's worse than being a typist, at least with typing there is varity. Here is just shit shit shit, same ol'. Same ol' boss telling me I suck and better luck somewhere else, and me sending out resumes with no prospects. I am beginning to hate, absolutely hate my professional life.

As for my personal life, there is null. I have Mr. Secretary, no car, college student who wants to meet. I keep saying no, he is boring to me, nothing quirky, like most of the guys I've dated are. Lately, I just don't give a damn, I'm working on MYSELF. I'm on my new diet and exercise routine, and that is now my hobby. It's strange to be your own hobby, I mean I feel like a science experiment, I do this and see how it effects me.

I just feel very miserable lately, like my life is at a hault, I'm in limbo. I'm just so tired of nothing changing. I'm so so tired of my job, I'm almost ready to say, please give me something else to do, make me lick stamps or answer e-mails, or make coffee, something new, just please give me some hope, so I can keep my grain of dignity.

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pet ramps