Man it's been a while since I wrote here, at least I think it has...

Today I cleaned all day, and it was only just one room, the bathroom. I totally hate our bathroom, it's very small and so damn dirty. My dumbass sister hairsprays her hair in there, I mean she uses a TON of Aqua Net - stick ass hairspray and that gets all over the walls and sticks to the sink and floor. It catches the dust in the hair and GLUES it everywhere, like even stray hairs are glued to the wall. It's so fucking gross. I tell her all the time, spray your hair in your bedroom where it has room to spread out since our bathroom is about as big, I'm not even kidding, as a disabled person's stall in a washroom. Our house was built back in the day where small bathrooms were in or something.

SO anyway, my friend called me and we spoke forever on the phone. I told him I was taking a pill that makes my heart speed up and he was like ... What Metabolife? I kind of got mad, I know he didn't mean it like that since I know he tried that diet pill ... but still. I was like um...NO. Last night I got so mad at him since he doesn't seem to ever listen to me on the net...it's like I say "Oh god I got a job promotion" his reply is "LOL" then I'd say "I think my grandma is going to die" his reply "EEE" or "LOL" IT FUCKING PISSES me off. It's like if you're NOT going to listen to me, then don't fucking IM ME. So I put him on my ignore list, and he called me today asking why I signed off. Dumbass, I took him off of that list since I think it's childish of me.

Yet today, college man IM's me asking to meet, I put him on my ignore list. I just can't deal with that right now, plus he doesn't do it for me. He's boring and we don't even talk about anything. I say no more internet dating. I say it's Jenny time, time for losing weight and finding herself. I seriously feel very very sad lately, I can't find a job, my parents are leaving soon and how can I make rent payments when my part time job is so low? I will I survive? I will have to get a second job, if that's even possible. I despair on how my life is turning out and how I need to start changing really really soon because I'm falling into self-pity depression. So what's wrong with that? Why can't I be sad and feel sorry for myself? Why is that so wrong??

Uggg, I want to be happy, but I just feel like a loser lately. I can't get a relationship to save my life, nor a job, nor any peace of mind. It's like I'm losing control again, I'm just so tired of everything, and so scared to let go. Then I worry that I bitch and crab to much, but fuck it, no one knows how I feel and what it's like. I want to resolve this and don't know where to start, so I continue to live and live this strange and boring life of mine.

Just God please let me lose some weight, though it wouldn't solve my problems, it would make me a lot happier with myself, more confident. I wish it would be the answer to all my despair, but I don't think it would be.

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pet ramps