I'm back home from vacation. It was a long, cold, vacation.

I went to Florida to see my granny and to go to my doom day place, Disney World.

It was in the 50's the whole time and I literally froze. I battled a horrid period, then a cold, then was embarrassed by Twiddle Dee when in a parade he pulled me into the street with other kids. By the way, I am 24 years old, not 10. I was the only adult out there, and Dee wouldn't stop touching me, it was embarrassing. I kept thinking, did I look retarded? Do I look that young? Was he making fun of me after the parade?? Was he a chubby chaser????

Oh well, I'm glad to be home. I slept in my bed like a baby, it was wonderful, even though it's in the 30's here and snowy. I'm happy to be home.

I found out I missed my chance to write an article while I was away. A boyfriend shot his girlfriend, then himself on my police beat. What luck I have, that could've been an article to show off my reporting talents. Everyone always tells me there my time will come, but I just look at them and want to say, when, why do I have to wait this long with no hint of prospects??

Oh well, that Indy job hasn't even called me back. That bitch, I'm still mad at her for her shitty remarks to me about my resume when I told her that, that I didn't even a resume in. Stupid ****.

I hate people sometimes, shit, a lot of the time.

Anyway, I found two cool jobs. One is in Orlando -- another reporting job, the other is in Galesdale? IL. Which is 3 hrs from here. I thought that sounded very interesting, and wouldn't cause me to fly out to Orlando just to interview. Both job postings say they will take recent grads -- ala' me. Plus I can say I do have experience now.

But I'm having a moment where I'm like, do I really want to be a reporter? Am I good enough? I don't feel that way a lot of the time, even though my last article was only edited in two places, which is great from my full edited pieces. I suppose I've gotten better, but it's hard when no one tells you how you're doing or if you're good at what you do at all.

Plus I was thinking, working in Florida would be neat, but shit the people there are so rude. I know the Midwest is known for our kindness, and hell when I go to upper Michigan, I have to laugh when a complete stranger says "hello" to me and I instantly want to say, "what do you want?" or think there is something wrong, because you just don't do that around here ... yet while I was in Florida, I would smile at others, because I always do that around here, or make a small conversation, because that's what we do around here...yet they would look at me the way I look at the Michigan people, "what do you want" looks.

Could I deal with that kind of attitude? Or not being only 3 hours from home? More like 2 days from home. I know my grandma is down there, but I don't know where anything is, that would be hard for me. I don't know, I guess I'll try for these jobs, doesn't mean I'll get them. I do think that, that IL job is better than the Indy job since the Indy one is just editing and only for 8 months, while the other is for...forever. Hmmm, man this sucks major ass. No one told me it would be this hard to find a job, and to be torn from staying put here or venturing out into the wilderness for a better or worse place.

I know I can't stay in this rut, where I feel that I will never advance in my job until something horrible happens and I can write an article on it. Isn't that kind of sad? Boy I wish someone would get hurt...so I can' write on it. I'm kinda like an ambulance chaser.

All I know is living here is becoming irritating, annoying. There is no room in my house. No storage whatsoever, four people in a two bedroom house built in the 40's? Parents have the basement, my sister and I, the upstairs. It's annoying that I can't use my closet since it's filled with shit, like my whole room. The apartment my grandma lives in, was so wonderful, she had SO much room, even a storage closet. Lord what I could do with that.... I just have so much stuff, I could fill a HOUSE literally. My grandma gave me furniture from her house, so I have a full size bed, dresser, table, pie cabinet, 2 chairs ... though all antiques, I could still use them if I was careful ... lord... I could, just could be on my own now, couldn't I?

Oh well Monday I'm starting my new diet scheme. I'm trying diet pills ... or vitamins. They have ads for this vitamin in Fitness Magazine -- Hydroxycut. My friend said they are good to get you motivated, I guess herbal speed for your metabolism. I will get off them if they fuck with me, I've read good and bad reviews. Some about how your heart races, I've had that before when I used to take Ginsana Sport. Oh ooh I'm doing exercise in the morning and sometimes at night ... eating better. Sounds good, if only I can stick with it. I mean I'm ready to lose, serious weight, very serious weight. What else have I do to? I work part time, and leave early for that matter, I work literally 3 to 4 hours a day because I don't have enough to do. Isn't that sad? So I see getting up early to do a workout tape, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, lunch and another workout is very doable. I see joining a gym to do some exercise classes, in the future, if I should not find a better job. Yes, this seems very easy, my new hobby revived. Plus I read the book "Jemina J" about a fat girl turned skinny and it's kind of motivated me. I mean the way the book is written, I mean it's so true to fat girls in general. I mean truly. Even when the character loses all her weight, she still feels fat and is scared the fat girl in her will come out, so she hides her. In one part she goes to buy clothes for her new body and she asks for a size 12, and lo and behold, that size is to big for her. She is amazed to find she is now a size 8. She then gets a makeover and still she doesn't know why people begin to look at her, flirt .... It's very interesting, though I know it's just a book. I really liked reading it and just thinking what it would be like to lose all that weight and how others would treat me, how they would react, how my life would ultimately change. It's something to really day dream about. Just to show my friend that look I'm SMALLER than you, when they hold that over my head. Oh fuck, to go to my high school reunion ... or asshole relatives. Lord how lovely. To go shopping ... wow.

I know it's just dreaming and that I need to do the rest, I know I won't be a size 8, but a size 12 would be just as lovely, hell a size 16 would be excellent.

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pet ramps