I so didn't exercise this weekend. Geez, I suck! I have a final tomorrow and I haven't seriously studied yet. I'm the type to study an hour before hand. It's for my poetry class, so that's not to bad. I know I will pass it. Plus I have to turn in a paper by Monday. It's done, but needs to have a full read for grammar mistakes. THEN my final final is Thursday at 8 p.m. to which I need to study seriously since it's accumulative, over the whole year. 50 questions, which isn't to bad. It's just I haven't even cracked a book open yet for it. I need to pass with at least a C, to which it's multiple choice so that is kinda like a 50/50 chance.

Anyway, I need to get back on track. Even though my Ma says I look like I'm losing, I think it's only because I've been eating Lean Cruisines for lunch and even dinner sometimes. But it's funny because I've been drinking a lot more pop, just a craving! Okay, so I need to do my exercise tapes. I have one coming in the mail...so.... At least my disgusting big ass gown will fit. I don't know what I'm wearing yet. I still have to come up with an outfit for this Christmas party ... ooh. There is a lot of get-togethers coming up!

I am also sending in my resume to the Orlando Sentinel newspaper. They are looking for a kind of general reporter. This is to my liking since a) it's Florida b) away from here c) reporting. But I doubt I'll get it. All I know is that I will be in Florida for two weeks, so I could interview then, if they should want an interview! I mean wouldn't that just be perfect? I think so!! It's just they require a year's experience or equivalent in internships... I've interned 3 months as a reporter and then working at my school -- well that was...shit 5 months? And I've worked at my school newspaper for 2 years....but does that even count?? So it's kinda shaky for me and I wonder if me now working the Police blotter is ...reporting? I mean everyone calls me a "reporter" but I don't feel like it. Oh well if it's meant to be. So it's strange I'm going back to the place I so hated before and cried and cried to come home to. Plus I just sent out my clips to Indianapolis for that other job. How strange my life is going to be in the upcoming months. I graduate Dec. 18 and then go to FL Dec. 27 ....so what will happen to me after I come back? Will I know if I got a job? I mean will I be moving? Or stuck in my rut again? Sometimes I wonder if I just shouldn't stay here and work and work my way up, because here I am safe, here I am familiar and dependent on people. Here I know there are people who love me and will care for me. While other places I am alien and know I've no one but myself, and those that could comfort me and care for me won't be there, and only be a voice on the phone or words on a screen. I can't go through another embarrassment of leaving and crying to come home like a 13 year old at some camp. So I wish I had someone to talk with, who knew and could help me make a full decision.

Oh well my parents bought our family a new computer for Christmas. It still hasn't come in the mail yet and I keep thinking damn I'd have to leave that. lol I love computers, the net, all that stuff. Plus the plans I made with my sister on how we'd redo this house once they left. If I move this could change, not so much if I moved to Indy, but to FL. Sooo I get cold feet and sometimes I say, I can't wait to go, other times I want to just stay in my safe haven. I just wish I knew a definite, but I guess nothing is truly definite. I guess I will know when that time comes, and I just hope I know what's right for me and not just pride or showing off....

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pet ramps