Ugk, I so hate my counselor, he's such a freaking jerk. He yelled at me because I don't proof read closely. He's the type that questions everything in my papers..."Why do you think this way" explain....explain this Mo-fo! I hate him so much, he makes me feel like I can't write and when people make me feel this way, I end up hating them because I take it personally. I hate Purdue, they've always made me feel like I couldn't write right. ALWAYS. I mean out in the "real world" never have I once been treated like they treat me on writing. Never once have someone asked to "explain this, WHY do you feel this way." No, I've been told, great story Jennifer, or that's a good idea, hey why don't you.... They do this in nice ways, not C- "I don't get it." That's major shit, I don't know what their problems are, I swear they think they are so above the students, like they are celebrities. Pompous fucks. I hate that attitude.

Oh well, I had a needless day, I'm happy that tomorrow I can sleep in. I'm getting sick, I always get sickly during finals for some reason. I have to go buy my cap and gown soon...um This weekend I am going to write up my article, a rough draft at least, or something that is almost done except for quotes. I'm just tired of all of this, and I want it to be done and over with. Anymore I feel very depressed and deep and dark. That "leave me alone" feeling is always with me anymore. I don't want to be bothered. I'm so tired of listening to others problems and helping them solve it...i.e. my sister, and them never even listening to my problems. I listened to my sis bitch for like an hour and then I'm like...oh yeah...I've been feeling like shit lately...I don't know what's wrong..and then she's like...oh I want to go to bed. What the fuck!? I hate that. I'm like why should I listen to you and help you with your stuff and you not even care about me?? That sucks. So I end up typing to a diary on the internet because I'm not taking to anyone in my family nor my friends because no one seems to want to listen ... they just want to withdrawal my time and me helping them, then when I want to...ohh nooo bank's closed!

So moving is starting to sound better. I'm tired of being poor I mean I can hardly buy any x=mas presents, my sister had been buying it all and then saying it's from both of us, and then my parents are like we can give you x-mas money, which doesn't make sense, yeah here's money for you to buy us a present. I'm like no, thanks. I mean I want to be grown up, but sorry I work part time, and for low wages. Then they make me feel helpless and then I end up hating myself for working such a shit job for shit pay. I think it's my sis who makes me feel the most poor, she works full time and expects me to help her pay and then I'm like I can barely even pay attention, let alone pay $400 to her at this moment. I told her I would pay 400 to her for the tickets to disney, that's two tickets...and I can give this to her come X-mas when grandma gives me my x-mas money, but before that I can't give her anything unless she takes credit card, which mine is maxed out thanks to buying my sisters and friend and my ticket to this party in Disney and plus my clothing, which my ma said she'd pay...ala' it's maxed out. Ugk. fucking money, I hate it.

And that girl who took me out to lunch who works were I do said I'd be better off trying for that other job since the paper won't give me full time any time soon, meaning anytime in the next year. I'm tired of trying to stick it out, they know I'm graduating, why would I stay at a part time job? That girl said I should say give me full time or I'm going for that other job. But I'm going to try for the other job and if I get it, maybe I will sit down with them and say, can you give me something better? Or else I'm leaving. I'm sorry I can't live my life part time with no benefits. I'm scared to get sick or hurt anymore. This isn't how I thought my life would be.

So I'm again looking at apartments in Indy, and I'm wondering if they'll give me the top of the pay scale. I will have to say, I will have to move here and buy things for an apartment, therefore, I better be paid higher than 20 or else I'll be in the red my first month...well that's what I'd kinda say, but not so bluntly. If anything I've learned how to be more aggressive in my job and life. Which is good because you have to be that way anymore unless you want to be walked all over. Oh well, these are the reasons I'm in a dark mood anymore, plus the fact I haven't done taebo in a week! ooh billy would be so mad at me with those stupid ass yellow boxing mits! Ohh tomorrow I'll do it.

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