Ever feel like you're losing control? I mean like near the EDGE, like one more think will set you off??? I swear to GOD I DO!!

I've had a crazy busy week from learning my new job and it's business to my sister's problems and to my family problems. I mean I'm near burn out point. Like if someone yelled at me, I think I would burst into tears. I mean that's how bad it is. Tomorrow, my day is FILLED. I mean hour by hour, I have appointments....isn't that funky...I mean I HAVE appointments with meeting people....I've never had that before!

I quit my school job this week, and I quit the school paper this week. Now that's nice. All that I have left to survive is getting my research done - which is quickly dwindling....and get my sister's work done...then I'll be semi-free. I'm just tired of these extra things. My Mom says I'm wound up to tight, but I just have a lot of things I have to do, and it's overwhelming because I can only be pieces of them here and there....*SIGH*

I just feel horrible anymore, like I dread each day now. I think I really just need to relax this weekend, get all my homework done tomorrow night and take tomorrow with strides. My day tommorrow goes...9 o'clock, go to Highland police, hand copy briefs at least 20 to 30 mins. leave there travel about 10 mins to Munster police, copy notes about 10 to 20 mins. go to work and get editor and drive out to St. John w/ him, 30 to 40 min. drive, then copy notes for god knows how long...get back at work, hopefully by 1, because at 1 I have a business meeting/lunch with co-worker who wants to discuss how I can better my job or something...leave that lunch and go back to work until 3, when I have a nail appointment, to which I think I'll have to cancel since I'll be...busy...thinking about making that appointment for Monday since I dont' have class till 5 ... hm. Maybe I should...my nails look horrid right now though, I'm kinda thinking of getting rid of them and going short again, but still I like them, I get a lot of compliments...but still that's $20 every other week......$40 a month.

OKAY mY DIEt has been wacky. I did well this week until today. I emotion-ate, had a quarter pounder w/ coke for lunch at noon and came home at 7:30 and got a chicken quesdilla, hard taco and another coke...wowwo Had girl scout cookies and some oreos....fuck... I DID SO WELL THIS WEEK!! :( What a set back. Okay tomorrow I'll start over. I hate when I emotion eat. I feel sick to my stomach now and feel scared because I'm here alone. I HATE going in my basement, that's where I FREAK out, I mean literally...I'm such a chicken.

OH I NEARLY FORGOT. My best friend's baby died last night, it had a rare disease and died. I am shallow, I felt nothing when she told me, I mean, I haven't seen her, or her child (AT ALL never ...ever seen it) since high school....and I was like...um okay. I think I'd react different if I actually knew that child...I feel bad for her, I'm going to have to send her a card.

I spent $250 bucks on clothing yesterday! My mom told me to go shopping and she'll pay for it since I need business clothing and I have NO FUCKING money. I have $26 dollars in my checking and $30 in savings. I am BROKE. I have a visa bill coming soon. I get paid Wednesday though and now I'll be working a bit longer....I really think they should've gave me a RAISE. I mean SORRY part time...25 hrs a week for $8 bucks! Bills of $350, $44 and then $20 ... a month....ala' no money. I am going to have to save now for Disney. My grandma gives me $1000 for X-mas and already I have to give my sister $400 of that for my parents and her x-mas present -- disney tickets.

I might as well forget trying for the other job, I mean if I went away, how can I come back to the newspaper and expect a job?

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pet ramps