I FUCKING RULE.

Well not really, but today at work..at the newspaper..I got this e-mail for a job that have there...so I'm like reading through it...I usually delete them...ANYWAY ITS FOR Full-time online news producer ala web stuff and junk. I'm good in HTML and things like that, so I'm like OK I'll try for it since I don't want to be a fucking typist with a B.A. degree!

I e-mail the lady..it's full benefits and $30,000 a YEAR! SHIT! That's GOOD MONEY TO ME, for someone who's making 10,000 or less...and the other editing job is merely 20 to 26,000 .... yeow. SO I'm TRYING FOR IT. The lady said they need the person to start next week, so I wonder if they have someone in mind and just posted it...I'm worried about that, but fuck I'll still try because that's a nice job for starters. But that would mean quitting my job at school and everything else because damn that's 40 hrs! I have a feeling I won't get it....yet I have a feeling that job in Indy is also something I won't try for, at least I'll know right off the bat instead of waiting forever....so if I don't get it, I can prepare for the indy interview...and then go there and not get it either and then be depressed.

OH WELL I KINDA missed writing in this ol' thing. I think I've gained a billion pounds. I'm so lazy and so unmotivated and don't care.

I know I need to work out better and I keep thinking about graduation and in a gown that's tight around my stomach so when I sit down I'll look like I'm in a sausage casing...ew. I need to do something, need to jog since that kicks my ass or do my elliptical more than a day or two a week, and still my mom said today I looked thinner...but I felt fatter than ever.

I'm tired of just doing nothing and dreaming of being thin. That's all I ever fucking do is DREAM. I need reality and skip dreaming Jen!! Shit...just need to get past all this school and job limbo and no time. BUT Will 40 hours eat more time...working 9 to 5 .... ugk...what will happen to me then? Will I lose when I begin working 40 hours, will I finally get the hange of weight loss? I mean will I be more motivated and more focused since all I'll have is work and not 4 classes with 4 teachers and homework and the school paper...a second job to worry so much about? What will happen to me???!

Anyway, lately I keep getting horrible headaches...I'm thinking stress or tension headaches, I get so tired and so cranky like I want to shut my bedroom door and forget my life sometimes and just sleep and stare out the window and cry.

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pet ramps