I got home today and am completely frozen. It's so cold out and at work I was cold. I am thinking of skipping my last class. I'm so tired. I don't know, I need a vacation. I'm just tired anymore, I sleep all night and wake up more tired.

So I'm allowed to miss that class I think twice. She can kiss my ass, I don't like my teacher. She's so dry and monotone and doesn't like me for some reason. She treats me like the bad kid in class, like I would get up and yell out answers and be mean, that's not me at all.

ANYWAY, today at work I noticed the new worker that sits behind me. She kinda LOOKS like me. She's very confident and as I look at her body I wonder if I'm bigger or smaller than her. For one, my face is smaller, not huge. And my hands are those of skinny girls, boney, while her's are chubby...she wears skirts, I wouldn't dare.

Though today, she wore a skirt and a stretch shirt and you could see her belly a bit when she moved in certain ways ... yet it wasn't that bad. Yet if I wore it, I know I would feel strange and just not even talk to anyone. I was jealous of her, I can say I'm smaller than her, yet I feel bigger than her. I know it...we must wear the same size...but I'm not that large boned...hell I was only 6 lbs when I was born! I'm small to medium boned, which saves me from being overly fat.

Oh well, I like to compare myself with others, it's like stepping outside yourself....

Anyway, my friend was tell me tidbits about my friend, gay, bi, friend. I've been his friend since high school, yet he refuses to even talk about his gayness, he tries to act straight. I hate it. I talk about guys and he's never talked about girls, or if he does it's shallow. He tries to be bi, as if that's alright since then he's not gay, I think he's fully gay and scared to just say it because of the disappointment and embrassment. That's just how I feel about him. I know him inside and out...I know he's not attracted to girls at all...the way he looks at men.

Now he's gotten creepy. Like I'm embrassed to be seen with him. I'm really not shallow or anything, but how he is in public is embrassing sometimes, and then people look to me and I give them that look like, I know he's strange .. I know. It's not like we hang out all the time, just once in a while. I'd never let him know this. I was told by a friend who knew one of his "lovers" that he is a stalker, complusive, possessive...crazy. I'm scared for him when he meets guys off the net, no protection...god what will become of him?

Oh well, I have a headache, I need to come home and exercise...please let this week be fast. I got tickets for Blue man group for Nov. 3 at 7. I can't wait. I'm still thinking of ditching class, though we are only allowed to miss two classes then grades drop. I'm thinking this guy in my class has missed at least 4 days already and she doesn't seem to be marking him down, we've only 2 tests in the whole course, I don't give a fuck if I get a C.

OH YEAH, in my magazine journalism class I have to bring in a mag, so I am taking in SHAPE. The fat girl showing a fitness mag, how will this go over? I feel weriod about it, but ready to experience how people will react, I love Shape anyone and on Wednesday I have to give an oral report of what I found in the magazine. So that'll be fun..NOT. 5 mins it's supposed to be...um sure...that's bull shit. I could read a 3 page paper out loud in less than 3 mins. OH WELL...the news just came on...looks like the stock crash, the recession is inevitable...poor Bush. I really like him and so happy Gore didn't get in. I've learned to almost dislike democrats, though I'm independant ... what I saw with my own eyes, paying off street people to vote Gore... Democrats just want a hand out ... want welfare to continue. Yeah...I guess I'm more Republicant anymore. Though if Bush were democrat, I'd be democrat. So I guess I am independent in a way. Oh well go Bush, you're doing a fine job..86% approval rate baby.

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pet ramps