Well, I bet you're wondering how today, or should I say yesterday went (it's 12 in the morning).

I ended up shopping, getting home and hoping on the treadmill, walking nearly 2 hours, then getting off at 7:30, getting on the net for internet man to be there saying, "WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?" and my meek, you said you'd call ME.

Turns out he's tired, and then asks if I want to come to his apt. I think about it and say no, thinking it's a bit creepy and I tell him I'm a chicken and he understands me, saying I'm just careful.

Then I wonder, is the second met done for? I mean there was no talk of when we will meet again, and that worried me, yet I dreaded to think that I'm off the hook now, yet I'm hurt that he didn't want to set up another time. I don't know, I think ....well

First off in class we learned about the emotional bank...you "deposit" into people, like tell them things, give your emotions to them, then they "withdraw" with telling you things they feel/emotions. YOU CAN overwithdraw by always talking and never listening

SO I think I've withdrawn to much, almost like it's my turn to start calling him, saying that YES I AM INTERESTED, you know, throwing him the bone ... I mean I don't want him to feel rejected and I think he tires of my inability to make up my mind half the time, and my sarcastic comments that cover my insecurities with myself.

SO FOR NOW, I'm going to just let it ride, I'm tired of this whole thing, tired of my Mom yelling at my esteem issues, and my sister telling me how to "reel him in."

Fuck that, I just don't want to deal.

I just realized, that my next check will be shit, and that I just spent $160 dollars on my credit card today, totaling $360 on my credit card, not to mention my phone bill that's coming. My car payment is done for Sept. Thank God, which is why I only have $28 in my checking. So let's see, that's...36 hrs and um 288 w/o tax's...therefore...$200 check....um ah....$100 out for bills...then...broke again. I'm supposed to be saving for my trip to Florida, yeah RIGHT...I think maybe I'll start selling shit on eBay again, I mean one good turn of a few of my old doll collection brings out some good moola, yet when I sell them, I wonder if I were to have a baby, a girl, and maybe I could've given them them her.... If that will ever happen, I talked to a 38 yr old man tonight, doesn't have kids, but wants them, yet hitting on me, a 24 year old...um no thanks. Man, GOD PLEASE SEND ME SOMEONE DECENT and er ... chubby.

Hum ho, God let me get a good full time job. God let me write a really good short story that I can make into a tv mini-series and become rich. God please reduce the size of my hips and buttocks with my Elliptical Trainer and give me boobs...since I'm the only fat girl with a flat chest...and Lane Bryant only carries like size DD...and I"m merely a B cup or C depending on the bra....ugk...maybe I'd have boobs if I wasn't fat...interesting concept.

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pet ramps