I just saw that our "heat wave" is making waves in the news. I haven't really noticed it, I mean I get in my car and if I don't have the a/c on in a matter of minutes I start to melt.

Anyhoo, more people on my diet web page (http://members.aol.com/yentl22/Page3.html) sent me angry letters, actually it was only one person, but I finally added a message board to my site in the hopes rude e-mails stop. I like to write, but damn I'm so TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING ME WHAT TO WRITE. What to THINK. I want my OWN THOUGHTS and not those pushed on me. People are so fucking mean anymore, this lady's letter was rude, I only skimmed over it, and one sentence said I probably weighted 700 lbs. Yes...that's me....700 lb Jenny. I hate stupid letters, I mean if it was a legit thing, like a actual intelligent (Or intelligant?) thing they were saying I could cope, but the delete button is so easy to use when there is trash trying to make you upset. For some reason, people think they can bash anyone, and that person won't feel it, but in reality I DO feel it and I feel sad and upset someone doesn't like me, but I'm learning to not care, and feel neutral because this will be life long, especially in my field.

As I mentioned, I'm helping this man with publishing his book. I'm quite the jealous one because I want to publish, yet I can't sit myself down to write, I'm scared of failure, yet won't know until I try. Plus it's very hard to be able to write for that long, I'm the type who likes to have it done in a day or two, not a year or two. I mean I like results, fast fast results, I want to write and get it done then revise a zillion times. I don't know, people have made me feel as if I can't write, they made me feel like I should quit...isn't it funny the power people have on us? I mean I am sensitive to my writing and when someone bashes it, I crumble inside, I can't help it, writing is so personal. I can say I've gotten better, now that I work for the paper and making sure you've got things correct, or else you're in big trouble...you must be on target all the time. Well, I don't know, I'm thinking of a story on a overweight girl, not on me...but something...good...I saw a book called "Jemina J" about a fat girl who loses weight the bad way only for a man...well...that's not to inspiring, I want a overweight girl book who obsesses about her weight and finally accepts it...and still in the end is just as accepted and powerful as a skinny girl. I'm not sure how to craft that, the story line, etc. That seems like a big project, but I'm up to it since I know from first hand experience. Plus I've been listening to peoples "fat" stories...you know those times when someone makes you feel so gross and fat.

Plus I am entering the MTV discrimination essay contest, on the topic of weight discrimination. It's due really soon and I'll work on it this weekend, it's 500-1000 words, which isn't very much, but I think weight discrim, is really prominant anymore, there is the gay thing, race...and weight. Those are main discriminations I see anymore, and it's not just whites against blacks anymore...it's black against whites as well - I know this first hand and have felt race discrimination, which isn't as rare as some think.

Anyway, I am getting to much to do now...have to think of a very good way to start my essay off, something eye catching and thought provoking ... hmmm .... It seems fun, I know I can write a very good one, since I've been discriminated against, and one day when I reach my "normal" weight I wonder how I'll feel about this...will discrimination still affect me?

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pet ramps