Okay this is the strangest week of my life, I swear it. I know life changes so quickly that it leaves you spinning.

But getting a job so fast and quickly, is pure unconcentrated wonderful.

Then talking to my guy on the net, it's also wonderful, almost equally. I mean this is the first time I ever felt open enough, feels that he understands me and above ALL I know that he likes me. It's not this peek a boo games of does he or doesn't he?

He truely cares for me, I know we just "met" and we haven't met personally, but so far it's been really good. He's very sweet and I can see he's been hurt and trying to get back up again. He's way to over sensitive - for example yesterday I got mad/upset because he always says I'm going to run away when I meet him and I'll think he's ugly, fat and has no personality.

I tell him no because he is cute (he is), and has a personality and my type. But he doesn't seem to believe this - ala low self esteem. He is worse than me.

So yesterday I said whatever dude I have to go and he got all upset and all apologizy - for like 5 minutes of "it's okay really just stop saying stuff like that about yourself ...." and I'm sorry, I never want to make you feel that way...blah blah. The phone rings and it's him...lol

Geez. It's okay, I said, just stop saying stuff like that about yourself. I think it's self destructive, albeit I know I do that, but ... not like that.

Anyway, he planned out our "date" Saturday with dinner and a movie. He is picking me up in a very unconventional first meeting type of way. But hey whatever, there are no rules in my eyes.

So I'm trying not to get nervous, but he makes me nervous by telling me how pretty I am, how great I am ... it's a lot to live up to as I feel like I don't look like the girl in the my pictures portray. But I guess if he doesn't like me for that, then I don't need that.

It's just hard to think of not talking to him after it, just cutting it all off...that is the hard part. But I won't think of it like that, because it's ended before it even began. So I will have put myself out there, in a scary way, but I think he needs a SIGN to let him know, I know I might say it on the net, but in person, that's a different story.

Oh well, I'm nervous thinking about it and will just suck it up!

I have my drug test today (groan) and when I get home I'm going to take my TrimSpa because the last one I took was yesterday (just in case...). I also want to find out about if I can get in that local gym here ... that'd be so friggin cool! If not, I have to start working out SOMEWHERE. I need to! I've lost a bit of weight thanks to the pill and my eating habits are better. I'm addicted to fat free sherbert ... soo lol I also eat a small breakfast, lunch is like a cup of yogurt then dinner is I dunno whatever.

Just need to start drinking more water. I figure that by Sat. I can at least lose water weight.

I also ... cannot find a violin teacher. Isn't that horrible? I feel so shitty right now. Okay it's time to ask my sister about contacting that one teacher at her school. Maybe he'll know someone, or maybe I'll call the symphony....hm. I need to play!

�

pet ramps