Ooh two updates in a week, I'm getting better aren't I?

Today was a better day, although, I did screw up on some things, but never the less the 1,000 things I had to do went on w/o a hitch.

I felt a bit happy today for no reason, I think due to that asshole guy leaving the ship and I won't have to see him for two months at least.

He grosses me out to the MAX and he has to come into my shop everyday to fix his schedules and he's so greasy, like icky french fry greasy.

He takes pens and scratches his balding greasy scalp with it. The pen is glowing in grease then, or he itches his nose by moving his hand really fast, like so fast...like he's jerking his nose off fast! Ew.

And then touches my keyboards and phone and everything! Ew.

He so grosses me out and he has a lazy eye so I never know when he's looking at me. He shook my hand today to say goodbye and I hesitated for a moment, ew, greasy small hand. His hands were softer than mine, and you know what that means.

So anyway, that was the gross out of the day.

My old roommate - Mackenzie - came back on board today after spending a week on the island. She got her room moved across the hall from mine and now I have a nice English girl named Liz, before her I had a roommate for a night named Sarah from the US who was a lifeguard, but she was moved for unknown reasons. She said she hated to be moved cause I was so darn nice.

Mac saw me today and hugged me and cried why did they move her. So we went to the print shop and she told me all about her week on the island. How she made out with this boy and how she had to swim by the shark nets and saw a reef shark, baracuda, sting rays and all sorts of weriod shit while in the water.

I fucking hate the ocean, by the way. Yeah I did my wet drill it was okay, but swim in the ocean on any ol' day? Hell friggin' no.

Sorry, I've learned to curse a lot here. See my trainers friend, Pierre, is a french Canadian dude who curses like nothing else. But in his lil' french accent, it sounds so right and downright funny as hell.

His favorite line is "shut the fuck up" he'd say that for everything.

So anyway, we all mock him sometimes, in a french accent we'll say "shut the fuck up" and of course everyone laughs.

Anyway, I leave on May 15th. I got my contract cut back! YES.

I know.

Happy dance on the keyboard, that fact has been keeping me as happy as a clam. Yes, thank you GOD.

Now, I wish, pray to find a job lickety split when I get home, or else, back to the bone yard, the shi(t)p.

So, I'm doing okay, I work to much and am still learning the ropes, if anything this job will make me more assertive cause everyone, everyone wants a fucking favor from you and when you have 100 people asking for favors you have to say no. Or these assholes with "emergency" prints, no, sorry, I just don't have time for that shit.

So I dunno.

Anyway 40-year-old moved to AZ and still emails me, he wants me to fly out to AZ and I say come on a cruise.

I don't know why, I guess just any ol' link from my former life is like giving water to a fish.

Anyway, it's February already? Then March, then April, then May!

I hope they zoom by, I just hope I don't fuck up, I haven't gotten in major trouble yet and people let things slide, and I wait for any type of feedback and never get it.

I never hear if I do good or bad, and that bothers me. No "great job on that poster jen!" Nothing. I feel like I'm not good enough, creative enough for this, like the trainer brainwashed them all, and it's like, he has years upon years of experience, me? I have 2 years, and half of one of those wasn't even in design.

So what to do, I ask? Keep on truckin' keep in trying to live somewhat normal.

I just want to go home and sometimes I get teary eyed because I just want to sleep and be at home and be with my parents, my dog...and thinking about this makes me very upset, like I could cry right now, so...I try not to think on it and try to think about my job.

It's so bad, that I dream of my job now and wake up wondering if I was dreaming or thinking or what I've missed.

I've also learned to fucking hate pagers, I have a pager in my job and people call me at all hours...and I hate it.

They say this is like living in a prison and I agree. I don't get to see the sunlight but for a passing by of the window, and don't get off the ship and...don't sleep, work to much...food is terrible...

But, I'm okay, really, I'm not...you know, nutty.

I've lost weight...heheh That's something isn't it? I don't know how much, but I can feel it in my clothing and in the mirror my face looks slimmer. I don't mind this fact, although my parents sent a shit load of candy, so that probably isn't helping. For real, I eat about a cup to a half of cup of food at each meal, that's how gross the food is. I just can't eat it, and can't eat some foods cause I"m tired of them.

My trainer before he left said "Jen you've got to eat..."

Never been told that one before.

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pet ramps