Well, the day is here, well the night before the day is here!

I feel very nervous if anything, slightly confused as well. Overall, I feel okay and have the feeling of "what did I get myself into this time? Isn't this what you wanted?"

So I won't complain and will let the cards fall as they may.

I went out tonight with an old friend and we all laughed it up. It was like old times and felt a slight tug on my heart. I miss times like that, but like he said "nothing will ever be like it was...."

I'm not sure what he was referring to, that cryptic message, but I've been trying to pay attention to those crappy motivational quotes that usually make you gag. I saw the one "bloom where you are planted." One, and although I hate that saying, that's how I'm hoping to be.

Regardless, I got my birth certificate and bus ticket easily, that was a relief to say the least since usually things have been more difficult than usual.

I'm hoping I don't cry when I leave tomorrow. I know I'll get teary, but my sister pissed me off because I asked her not to get up and do the whole good-bye thing tomorrow morning and she said "why, you're going to cry anyway."

I got angry and have been slightly angry at that comment and am hoping that I don't cry to terribly hard because right now I feel that panic in my chest of the instant do-it-yourself way of life I'm about to embark upon.

I'll try to contain myself, but guess what folks? I got my period today. I know, I just had it and it just ended - I'm guessing this is one of those stress periods that pops up when you're stressed out. What is so bad, is it looks like it's going to be one of those long bad ones. Like the ones where you stand up and feel like everything in your body just fell out into your pants.

Oh man, I hate those times. **Warning nasty period-related statement ahead skip if you're squismish** It's really nasty when you go to change your pad and you notice your pad is A. Heavy and B. warm.

I know that's gross, but it's so icky when you find this. Bleck.

Anyway, what's up lately with people telling me that I have to get a boyfriend and then learn sexual techniques. Geez I didn't know that was sooo important in life. It's not like I'm NOT looking. It's not a main thing in my life right now, but like my boss said, I will let it happen if it happens. I know I'm extremely picky, but seriously if I find someone who at least meets me half way, boy that'll be something. I'm not going to give myself to a short relationship, I want long term here.

Anyway, I don't see any suitors at my door (other than 40-year-old, but I have a feeling all the relationship he wants is one with my body). I just pray to lose weight and just grow from this experience.

I can do this, tomorrow will be very hard and stressful, but I can do this. Just God please, please give me strength tomorrow morning, God please don't let me cry and let me be a pillar of strength and adultness and let me be happy and not to scared of doing this.

This is what I've been praying for, for so long and now that I have it, I can't complain and ask why because I did ask for this. Now I'm asking for the strength.

So I'm trying to do a scenario of the morning because I read that helps relieve stress. I get a slight panic feeling in my chest, and think about saying bye, I'm usually okay until someone hugs me and says "I love you" that always makes me cry. I'm tearing up now due to that thought! Isn't that silly? I just know my period is adding to my emotions now and probably magnifying them.

Well, I shall update once again soon, not until most likely Saturday!

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pet ramps