I so wanted to sleep in this morning, it was just such a cozy sleeping position I was in, not to mention how warm my blankets were and how the sun was shining in my room so lazily.

I got up at 8:40, and didn't get to work till 9:40 because I stopped at the bank and went to work oh so lazily, got there and got sick to my stomach and ran to the bathroom.

I really hope I do not have a ulcer, I mean this whole week I've had heart burn and a crazy stomach.

I over-ate last night as well as skipped my exercise class because my legs hurt so badly from my Monday's class. It was a nice break, I went grocery shopping and gassed up my car, went home made chicken fajitas, had chips w/ salsa and four fajitas that were wonderful if I do so say myself.

After that, I kind of got sick to my stomach, which felt like it was burning, and then the heart burn came again.

I feel bloated too, my period is coming and I still don't feel right.

I'm still upset on my 1.5 percent raise. Oh me oh my.

I really am poor, that's below the cost of living.

I found some jobs here and there and am going to apply, though I have this feeling I will get the same nothingness as I do with all my poor little resumes sent out into the cold dark world of job hunting.

Mom said I should be happy, but with this new 'raise' if you can even call it that, I am much more unhappy though I know I'm getting 'valuable experience' but anymore, I think I've come to a point where I've learned so much that it's cut off here because they don't want to change anymore.

So lately, I'm just trying new things out and then being told that I'm wrong and it doesn't hold with their style. I've been teaching myself some programs such as Photoshop and Illustrator just to keep on top of things and to put that on my resume.

I have two reporters jobs I could try for and I'm not sure if I should, I like to report but my boss has told me so many times that I'm not a hard nosed reporter and I swear I feel like I cannot report or something! Isn't that silly...but I wonder if working for a larger area/paper would be easier since things are always coming in to report on?

I mean I was used to people telling me what to report on, so that's why I got fucked up here when I had to find my own in a foreign place to me....

Oh I don't know.

One job is in Chicago for a law bulletin, I love the law, court stuff, and that's what they look for, but again I'm not excellent in law, but more a beginner.

*Sigh* I can hear people talking at work about some new sections coming up, I had so wished to be out of here by now, especially by graduation, which is fucking HELL on earth to have to cover those, scan all the photos and junk such as that. It's annoying as HELL.

Okay I need to get back on my weight loss, I weighed in today at 278! Yesterday was 274, so I don't know what happend between last night and today, but I think me eating to much had a lot to do with it. I told myself to stop eating so badly, even though I just bought some noodles, pasta, bagel and mozzerella cheese to chow on this week.

Oh don't shop when you're hungry Jen!

I still haven't called for that pilates/toning class on Saturday's, I think I will skip it since A. I don't have the money and B. I need a day off and it runs only a month or something.

And C. that fucking owner never called me back!!!

I don't like that.

So anyway, I'm meeting Brandon, internet guy, Sunday. We're supposed to go eat somewhere or something like that, but I'd rather go for like a cup of coffee or something like that. I don't want to have to spend a full hour w/ him, so many if we go for like coffee and cake or some shit, go to Big Boy or some shitty place like that here.

I'm getting nervous already, though I shouldn't be, hell! I just am worried about those moments of silence that makes you feel like you've been there an eternity! Then you just want to die, I always get grumpy then because I don't like feeling uncomfortable with people especially if they are not talking ... ala' my 'date' with Vinny when he never talked and let me talk the whole time. It was fucking nuts.

I was so mad and upset I was like 'take me home!'

But this will last only an hour and I already feel like it will pan out to be nothing, but again I must breathe easy and just try to have fun.

I mean I will not be nervous, I keep telling myself this, no nervousness!!!!!

Just breathhhheee easy and be myself and be happy and just have a list of questions ready.

I think I'll do that...how was your day, blah blah blah....

Anyway, I'm also talking to South Haven Josh who is 42 years old. I know that's way to old for me, but it's not like I'm going to meet him anytime soon since he lives like 3 hrs away. He's divorces, has a kid who's 15 years old. Which is odd cause I'm like 14 or 15 years younger...heheh.

He's really nice though and we actually do talk not like me and Brandon (Brandon is 26 though) but again it might be a different story in person.

Ya know.

But still Josh seems like he'd be fun, hm. Though Brandon when he calls laughs and giggles, which makes me laugh because guys who giggle just amaze me.

Oh well...look at me who was bitching that I had no 'men' in my life, now I have two suitors....heh heh even though they are just internet guys and maybe that doesn't count....

It's something, so I won't gripe.

If only God would answer my prayor for a new job! Please please pleaseeee?

Just my luck I'll start a relationship then have to go back home to Indy, I won't gripe there either...lol

Oh well, my head hurts again, I got rid of all my candy at work and am left with tea and sweet n low for my hunger pains...I do miss my Runts though, mmm I love the banana ones...damn.

I have exercise tonight and am happy it's only for an hour.

Then tomorrow is violin, to which I practiced a bit yesterday and did BAD, very badly, wow, I was like, is this me playing? I did the D string okay, but that A string, wow, was horrid, I put two fingers down on it and it sounded so scratchy and ugly.

I tried to play some march and it began to sound okay, but I'm still very very rusty on the A string - new notes, I can do B okay but c and d sound horrible and I keep getting messed up confusing the C and A notes...yeow!

How confusing. But we're moving onto the G string, which is another hard, very hard string to play because it's so far over and your fingers just do not want to be that far over there.

I'll have to remember to wear a nice shirt so I don't have it bunching up and making me uncomfortable. I think I might buy a chin rest to see if that helps me at all.

God I just need to practice, man alive, 10 minutes a day would probably aleve most of my recent problems since I haven't practiced in two weeks again!

No wonder!

Ug!

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