I'm still sore today from my weights class. It's worse today for some reason. I still am going to tonights aerobics class.

My sis just emailed me and asked me why I haven't told her I was going to the gym. So my mom told her when I specifically told her NOT TO.

I called mom and said, "so you told her..." and then she said..."yeah ..." and then I hear her say to my sister, "you just couldn't wait could you?" then my mom says tearfully, "I'll call you back."

So I feel bad, and I feel sorry. But now I'm mad. I told her this to keep SECRET, and then she tells her? Why did she have to tell her? It upsets me, I can't tell her anything without her blabbing it.

Why do I keep this from my sister? Because she's a sabatoger, she also is very competitive, I know she'll flip out and have to get ahead of me. I just want to be ahead for once. Is that so arrogant? Is that so bad?

I mean, I was going to tell her, on my own, but now what do I look like to her?

I'm going to say I didn't tell her because truthfully, I wanted it to be a surprise the next time I came home...but now what...now she's going to flip out, more so now that I know mom is yelling at her because she got caught.

So they both are guilty, or maybe mom is guilty, because how dare she tell things that I said to keep quiet? This is exactly why I don't tell her things, this is exactly why I don't tell my sister things. If ANYONE in the family tells me to keep something quiet, I DO.

So I'm a bit angry, hurt, and I still have PMS, so I'm at work right now and my eyes are tearing up because I'm getting a wee bit upset.

*Sigh* I know somehow my mom will yell at me for something, then my sister will for not telling her ... and then I will be the bad guy all because I didn't want my sister knowing that I'm exercising.

Am I wrong in this? I mean am I the bad guy? I usually tell my sis everything, but anymore, I just don't because she doesnt listen and then of course, she has to be in this competition for no reason, I'm not competitive with her, I just go along on my way, but with weight, if she knows I'm losing she has to kick in and lose too because she is so so afraid I'll lose more than her and God help her if I should be a size smaller than her. Why does this scare her? Why does she want me like this?

Control? I just don't know. She denies this viciously and crys when mom tells her this, so who knows.

I'm worried mom is going to yell at her and tell her EVERYTHING I've said about her, like the sabtoger ... etc. etc. I mean talk about her own trust in me broken. I told my mom this in secretecy, and now look, nothing will surprise me anymore.

I'm just not going to tell her things like this anymore, if I ever decide to do something new and I don't want them to know, then I'm not telling either.

So I can't wait to my class tonight to work off some of this stress, I feel like I could cry right now, in the middle of the news room and just bawl.

My boss took me in his office today and said he was proud that I'm taking these exercise classes and said he could already tell.... that I'd lost a few.

So that was good considering this morning I wondered at all if I had lost and wondered if I was gaining muscle.

I must be, because the scale has been stuck on 279! Even though I had a potty attack for the past few days for some reason.

Oh well, I have a massive headache, it's been snowing all day long and my parents are supposed to be driving up tonight. But now I'm wondering if they will come with all this snow! I hate snow! Damn fucking snow. Just keeps on coming down, this means I bet my driveway was plowed, which is $15 a pop! That's expensive for just my tiny driveway, I wish I could find someone new, $15 is just riduclous.

So, I feel like poo now, I just feel like I should be mad, but my fucked up self says, no you shouldn't this is all your fault, and...I really think it's all my fault I didn't mean to start any fights with anyone in my family...this is so stupid.... Why am I so upset???

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pet ramps