I wrote a long diary entry yesterday and to my dismay, my AOL died suddenly and so did my entry.

So I was crabby yesterday from traveling all day, my mom is/was driving me nuts telling me how to drive and I told her to stop because she was making me nervous.

Then I told her later that I don't think I can live with people anymore because the week she was w/ me I didn't really like it, I couldn't sleep and was nervous that she was bored or had nothing to eat or do.

So I said, I think I need to live singly and she looked at me kinda strangely a bit hurt, but not really. I know I can't live with my sister, I come home and see how the family has ruined grandma's rugs, someone tracked dog SHIT on the light blue carpet, then my dog christened it by urinating on the rug a FEW TIMES. Oh no, the rug is perfect, yeah right. Yuck.

Grandma would die if she knew.

So I said, fuck this, when I move back home I'm getting a apartment, wherever my next job should be.

I still havent heard from the job I truely want and have a good chance for, with each week I feel less and less hope, it's been 3 weeks since I sent in my resume, the job is still posted and I wonder how long they will wait before they begin to call people for interviews and I wonder if they haven't already begun this and that maybe someone has the job already.

I'll be very sad and dissapointed. This is the job I did my internship at, I'm friends with the man who'll be part of my interview and I feel maybe this is why they haven't called, maybe it's to weriod, he won't return my emails and I wonder, just wonder if they give this job to someone else, if he'll email me again.

I feel a bit sad thinking about this.

I had my mom streak my hair today, it actually turned out good, other than the time I had her put "chucking" into my hair and I turned out looking like a skunk, so I dyed it all and it turned out crazy blonde, I screamed as soon as I took off the towel, it was kinda funny, I just laughed at myself I looked so strange.

Hair isn't big to me.

I also bought makeup today, new eye shadow, in blue tones, something I said I'd never buy, but after watching the Anna Nichole show, I kind of like how they do up her eyes, so I took the plunge. I also bought expensive lip gloss, $4!!! Geez! I tested out the color in a magazine and I liked how it looked, it tastes/smells like melon and is berry in color, it makes my lips look kind of like rose buds in a way.

I love make up, color...I adore it. I also bought a unpainted-wooden pumpkin for Michigan, I painted it today and it looks excellent, I should paint em' and sell em. I feel good that I havent lost my artist abilities.

For some reason, I do well with painting those unpainted wood crafts you see at HObby lobby or walmart, I painted my sister's birdhouses in Mary Engel Bright style and the teachers/ kids at her school absolutely loved them. My variations made them a bit more wild, I don't like country stuff.

MM...I also need to get back to weight loss, I feel fat.

I gained 5 lbs I think.

I feel kind of mute anymore, don't feel like explaining and tried of thinking about things I think of to much, job, weight loss, living ... just to much and I think I'll try to be more quiet now.

We're going to grandma's tomorrow to clean out the attic and get things ready to be taken to auction. It's a dusty, dirty mess, but also quite interesting because just when you think you've taken and found everything you think interesting, up pops something else.

My goal tomorrow is to find sheet music for violin and other violin stuff. There is a very old metetone that I want, but I think someone took it, or it's in a box. I need one of those for my lessons on violin - though the guy hasn't started lessons! I called and he's waiting for more to sign up, I wanted to say, well .... it's a small town and I dont see him advertising....

Oh well, I got a new lesson vhs tape and tried it and my mom laughed at me and I yelled at her because i was frustrated and didn't need her laughing at me trying to play.

She said I have a bad attitude and I was ready to say fuck off!! But I said, well don't laugh at me when I'm trying to concentrate/learn. Bitch.

Oh well, I'm thinking about sending in that old violin that my dad took from my grandpa's house, supposedly he (grandfather) was given this violin by one of his teachers. I played it a bit, and it sounded so rich and beautiful, but the sound post fell inside, which means you can't play it until that is fixed, so I'm fucked. It's also scratched up and the edges are all roughed up like someone dragged it on the ground, I contacted this place in Texas who'll put the sound post in for free and do minor repair - but give me an estimate first.

I just wish I could begin lessons, I want to learn and it seems like this man is going to wait another week or so and I know no one will come - he said he wanted at least 8 and he has 4?

Please! what is the big fucking deal old man it's only an hour once a week! You'll get your money you mother fucker.

Oh well, I saw barbershop last night, very very very good movie. I really like Ice Cube and Cedric the Entertainer, they are great, it was really something that makes you know how blacks feel about repriation ... etc. It was kind of like, wow. I laughed when he said FUCK Jessie Jackson. ha ha. I really don't like Jessie Jackass, he's just so wrong, glad that I see not all blacks like him, and that most don't want the repriations ... that is just ridculous. What about the jews? And do they know whites were also slaves?

It's stupid, I wish someone would come out and say these things, I know Bill O'Reilly (my favorite reporter) talks about this and is very good in these issues, but I feel we need someone higher, someone we all look up to, to tell the nation about the facts and why these things are ignorant ... but it seems like no one listens or would listen, and would it matter even?

Oh well, I better get going, we're seeing Red Dragon tonight, I can't wait. I love, love, love Hannibal/Silence of the Lambs, just the concept is fantastic, I read Hannibal and loved the ending - which was Hannibal ran away with Sgt. Starling! They fucked up the movie though - it would've been so neat to have seen this though. But you gotta wonder ... would you want to be with a cannibal? Um..no. Though the defense is that he only did it to the rude/bad people ...

OHhhh well, gotta go see if I can do my hair with my yellow, yes YELLOW, streaks. lol

�

pet ramps