I had a pretty good day, went to see a movie with my parents, my sister came up and surprised my Mom and Dad...tomorrow I'm going shopping.

What could be better?

I weighed and found I lost that weight I gained while I went home, went from 278 to 274 in the span of two days...my Mom thinks because of yesterday's stress I lost ...

See...yesterday I made a type in a court case article I wrote, and the man's lawyer called and is/might sue our paper because of it. SO all day I was worried since I might have to testify that I didn't do it intentionally, and I also got reprimanded with the big boss, my boss and the publication's OWNER and lawyers all had to know...so I got this put in my file because of how we might be sued over my mistake...so naturally I was so stressed, I felt like crying all day. Not to mention, I'm running behind on articles/pagination due and then I have a fire call, I drive around, get lost, am freaking out because I can't find it, I drive around a fucking half hour to an HOUR on dirt roads in the deep woods looking for this huge fire. I never found it and called my boss, he gave me SHIT directions so he said do you want to keep going or just go home...I said, just go home. He asked how my day was going, I said "Pretty darn crappy." and he laughed, he seemed mean to me all day cause of this. It's like I walked in work told that I'm gettin sued possibly and then the girl who paginates this paper due at like 11:30 tells me I must do it, I've never done that paper before so I stress and they are yelling at me why it's now done.....

It was a pretty bad day, I survived, I made it through though!

Anyway, I keep having bad headaches, I took some excedrine today and got light headed and felt faint, it was VERY scary, I had the chill and everything, I feel better now, and I think it was because I hadn't eaten. I printed out stuff to get an eye exam and then found some psychiatrists that are under my insurance, though I'm not sure how it'll work. I don't know if I should call them and ask, I probably will since my parents are leaving Monday and coming back on Tuesday with my Grandma who's giving up on life it seems, ever since she found out the cancer was in her liver.

So today I got home and cleaned my room top to bottom since that's where she'll be sleeping. I moved my treadmill, hand cleaned the wood floors, vaccumed the carpet. I wonder how she'll feel to see all of her things in our house, I mean I would cry, my room is her room, it's her carpet and the bed is hers and the sideboard is hers ... the two chairs in there, all came from her house. How will she feel when she sees these things and the reality that her house in Greencastle has been picked apart?

Oh well, I got paid today and my checks anymore are already spent! I told myself to start saving and I AM. I just have to get some things out of the way first, have to give mom and dad $200 ... then pay my visa...car payments...lord when will it stop?

I put my resume on my college's web site, the job prospects seem very very null right now, I'm beginning to feel as if I'll never leave here. I get afraid sometimes, and then I wonder if I shouldn't just try for those ones in like lower Illinois.

Oh well, seeing signs again, I just want to write! Write, write, write, a book and then hopefull get it published. Get a following, write another and get royalities. I know this is far far reach, I just feel like I don't have that talent in me, I don't have something that someone would want to read that long, and I don't know how to write in that ... style?

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