My parents left today and I didn't cry.

I said goodbye and at the same time was talking through IM from a friend back home, so that probably is what made it alright.

So then I realize I'm going home Thursday for the weekend and that my sisters B-Day is the 18th! So I run to town and go to Kmart, and get a veggie sub, Orgeno Parmesan foot long with cheese and cucumber and vinegar. Sounds gross, but I LOVE it! I had half of it, then ate the other half for a dinner, though I know I will snack on something tonight. I was just very hungry -- I walked on the treadmill. I also MOVED my treadmill which got me hot and sweaty, ala' like lifting weights.

So, I heard that fucking BAT again today. I knew, just knew as soon as my Dad would leave and I would be alone I would hear it. BUT, I'm not 100% sure if it was the bat, I have the window open above a vent, and it could've been something outside....soooo I will still sleep with my door shut regardless.

Tomorrow I have to be at work by 8:30 to begin my training on learning how to layout a small paper, our paper owns. It doesn't seem that hard, I've done layout before in college. So, I should be okay, it's just so fucking early in the morning, I don't think the girl realizes I have to DRIVE, 20 to 30 minutes to get to town. But oh well, that means I will get out of work earlier, and it doesn't get dark now till 8:30 or 9. The weather has been so nice, I've been walking outside a lot and just starting at the water, it's strange with the ice gone, I can get lost just looking at the colors of the sky bounce off the water, blueish green, or bright green, sometimes colbalt blue and then sometimes it white caps and is wavy.

I still don't like it here, I've told my parents repeatedly, I like it for vacation, but living here, no. I've found people here are VERY UPTIGHT. I mean VERY VERY. You'd think that living here in the country with most people not even working a full days of work, they wouldn't be so shitty, but they are. And people here also over work, like at my work, people are there like 10 hours a day! FUCK THAT. I can't believe how long they stay there, and then NOT get paid because you can't go over hours. Damn, fuck that! I love reporting, but man I also love my free time.

Damn it someone outside here is burning there garbage and it so fucking stinks! Thanks alot for smelling up my house!! EW!

So, I talked to my sister and she thinks I should go for those jobs that I said I wanted to go for but wouldn't. I asked her about this one, where it's where i worked before....but in a different location...my parents were like "that's an hour away, it's to far" then I talked to my sis and she is like WHAT? It's only 30 mins away. FUCK! Oh really!? My parents just want to keep me here, I swear. They love it here and expect me to love it as well, when I DON'T.

I'm going to tell my Mom I'm trying for that job.

I miss my sister anymore, for some reason, I miss talking face to face with people. I mean me and my sister would each day just sit there and talk and talk and talk. I just don't get that anymore, it's just a stale phone or lifeless computer. I feel touch starved.

Oh well, I feel better about my body image lately, like I don't feel that huge anymore, I feel like hey i can lose weight and I can feel good about myself. I'm ready to act like the YENTL22, to act carefree and say anything that comes to mind. I want to say, fuck it, here I am, dont' tell me to change, don't tell me conform to how you want me to be...just here I am take it or leave it. I mean shit, I need to get going on life.

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