I'm so confused, I hate this. I think I have that job in Michigan and now I'm like, do I really want to move there? I hate it there, seriously hate it. I hate the small town, nothing to do, not even a theater to see movies or a mall to shop. I don't know a SOUL there. The interview was to much, I felt like I was joining a college newspaper. This paper is just nothing, nothing compared to where I work now.

Where I work now, I have access to Chicago, theaters, malls, FRIENDS. I have the internet, I can drive around and know where I am.

I just don't know what to do.

I am going Friday for a face to face interview. I'm hoping something will make me know, if I want to stay or not stay. I just have a feeling ... cold feet ... just a feeling I won't like it at all.

I say, I can stay here and work and work at my job and work freelance for the tiny papers here, that's experience...I am just scared I'll go there and get STUCK. Like I'll keep trying to come back and won't be able to. ALL MY LIFE I told myself, I would DIE if I had to live in that small town in Michigan, and now look at me.

I know I'll work late, and have no fucking life because I won't know anyone there and just spend time all fucking ALONE. Because they have *nothing* in that town, and personally, I love to go out with friends to malls, movies, or just Chicago. Where will I go there?

If I stay here, I will face a freedom come November from my parents, if I go there I will have freedom, but at what cost? Being totally alone? Coming home (since this job is for the late shift) at night to an empty house and be scared to walk to the door, knowing I haven't even a pet to greet me. Then going to bed scared because of my active imagination, thinking someone is there to kill me, leave me for dead, and my parents comeing up one weekend to their decaying daughters body.

If I stay here, it's just working part time and then freelancing....

Oh I know what I want to do, but I know it's probably not right.

Am I just scared? Am I just looking for anything wrong, so I can say "no, I'll pass." Or can I go and turn around everything in my life, it's only pass or fail. I could go, hate it, and come home a loser, as I did when I went to Disney, feeling like a failure.

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pet ramps