My Mom has blown another gasket. From her cry session because of the supposed "YOU made the dog cough," to today's newest cry session. Where's fucking Dr. Phil when you need him!?

It all started out with me calling home twice, no one answering. So my cell phone rings and the conversation goes like this:

Jen: Hello?

Mom: Did you call twice?

Jen: Yes, where were you?

Mom: I didn't want to talk to you or anyone

Jen: Why? What's wrong??

Mom: *silence*

Jen: Then why did you call me?

Mom: (silence) sob

Jen: Hello? What's wrong?

Mom: I - I wanted to let you know I was OKAY

Jen: OH, what's wrong?

*Silence*

*Silence* sounds of sighing.

Jen: HELLO???

Loud sob

Mom: We'll talk about this when you get home.

Noon -- I arrive home to her not speaking to me. She's in the living room, the UPS man comes, I say, "Look it's my sisters Christmas present." She goes downstairs to her room, quiet.

I'm so tired of this constant fucking drama. I feel like I'm on Young and the Restless except there are no commercials between outbursts.

I think she likes to ruin good days. See the paper I work for gave me a chance to write an article, which is something! Yet here she is MAD at me and EVERYONE is seems for NO apparent reason. Just like on Father's Day, I forgot to bring in a present and she cries and says IT'S RUINED. To last Christmas, me and my father went out and bought her at least $300 in clothing and she cries, and he takes them all back, then she's like "hey I wanted some of those...."

FUCKING HELL FUCKING OOOO!!!! Jesus, does anyone else have a psycho mother?? Yes, I live at home, but hell I'm looking for other jobs in FAR AWAY PLACES. My ONLY hope right now it the Indy job. I'll know Friday if I have an interview, but I FEEL like I have that job. I always say I'll miss home, but I won't miss days like this, which are coming to be all to often anymore. Even my sis is threatening to leave it gets so bad, there's a time when parents need to let their children, 24 and 25 yr. old, grow up. Mine don't seem to understand this notion, and think that the old high school days of "family meeting" Mom and dad gang up -- yell-a-ton is still kosher to me and my sister now that we are grown up.

See me and my sis go to work each day, we are treated as adults, if someone is mad with us, they let us know. We don't have "family meetings" at work, and never would I sit my sister down to holler at her and vice versa. When she pisses me off, I tell her then and there, unlike my screwed up parents. So naturally we are both very tired of this. And I don't want to sound as if I'm spoiled. And I know people say, well just leave or shut up ... but listen here asshole, I graduate in December and I interview for that job, God knows when, and if I don't get that one, I must try for others. My PART TIME job won't pay for shit with my bills...I so hate when people say, "You're under their roof, their rules." FUCK THAT! I do house cleaning, take care of the lawn, and do my PART. Let me pay RENT if that means I'll be treated like an adult, but somehow I doubt that. So I'm stuck until I get that full time job, then bye bye. I can't take this anymore, I need to grow up instead of having that Peter Pan syndrome. My sister on the other hand can leave whenever she likes, she claims two men want to marry her, but POOR HER, she wants to be on her own. Yeah pity party for her, "two men want to marry me! wah!" I know how horrendous that is. Yet I can see the parent situation effects her more than me. She's hardly home and when she is, she hates it. So I think she should move out too, but NOT WITHOUT ME. I'm very scared of her leaving and me just staying here. Supposedly my parents are moving in less than a year to Michigan, for good, then we'll have the house...but who knows how long we can last anymore.

A friend of mine once said, "You can't live with your parents after the age of 21." SURE I said, he doesn't have a good family life if he thinks that. Boy was I wrong. I so agree with him now.

Another friend said, "Get out of the region, before it sucks you in, get away for even a year. Take $500 with you and GO." I don't want to miss this advice, except for that $500 and just leaving, some people DO have car payments! BUT I AM getting out of here for at least a while. I need to see what's it's like to be on my own. I kinda know it already since my parents have left for the summer, I just don't know the part about paying house bills, ala' cable, water...etc.. I know about buying your own food, clothing and other things. I know about car payments and I know about gas and I know about responsibility. I know I can do this. Just someone give me a chance at their company and I will do it.

Oh well, I feel like shit now, knowing tonight or tomorrow we will either have a "family meeting" or my Mom will magically act as if NOTHING happened and laugh and be gay and want to buy Mother/Daughter necklaces. It's funny how things can be forgotten like that, and then you're expected to have instant amnesia like that too.

Okay here's the fight agenda, should we have one:

They call me and my sis downstairs, Mom's already crying for no apparent reason, dad is looking like "fuck not this again, I might as well be mad too and join the bandwagon."

So they say, actually Mom says, you're attitudes suck. The way you treat your mother is bad. Why are you so unhappy? You spend to much money/to many bills. You don't do enough around the house. Then something about someone's job, either mine or my sisters, that we don't work enough hours....or she's tired of hearing about it. Then it ends with, I don't know how it got like this, I don't like it, there is a problem...and then that's it.

Dad just says, each fucking time, "When's the last time you two took out the garbage (you have to recall a time, to which he calls you a liar) and when's the last time you went to the store?" Every time he asks that, since I can REMEMBER. Each fight is the same, I just want to tape record it and say can't I just listen to this?? Instead of 2 hours of nothing...me looking down and daydreaming while my dad gets mad at me for not paying attention -- each TIME he does this too, "Jenny's not here again, she's thinking "I wish they'd shut up"" so he's kinda right. My sister is sitting there crying, saying nothing, or "SORRY" or something stupid, but lately she's stopped crying because she claims she doesn't "care." I refuse to cry. So then the next day, we are all happy and everything is fine, but me and my sister do a bit more, wash a few more dishes, take out the garbage, then things go back to the way they were. So I guess these little "family meetings" don't really work do they??

All I know is when I have kids, I refuse to treat them this way. If they piss me off, I will let them know and not sulk all day and ignore people as if I'm the Queen of Sheba. That's immature, and even Dr. Phil would say this. I do think my Mom needs to see a shrink. I mean truly. She claims that's so bad, but yet she loves fucking Phil. I'm like just because you do to a shrink doesn't mean you're nuts, it means you need extra help, you need someone to help sort out things. This is the time I wish I still knew my friend who was a psychiatrist. He used to tell me things about myself, family...I liked that. Plus my friend now thinks my family is something to get away from, or else we'll end up not talking to anyone.

So it feels good to talk about this, even if it's to a nothing computer generated diary. I just hope I don't sound spoiled or wrong. It's just in my house, the parents are always right, the innocents, and the children are always wrong and the evil ones. We're the ones expected to apologize, they aren't. They can say things to hurt our feelings, if we retort, we're wrong an "evil." "How can you say that to your mother?" Well, how can you say that to your daughter?

Lately for me, my Mom has been making fun of my weight, and my dad has gotten into that realm too. I want to say, joking or not, it's NOT funny. They say, it's funny to them. That's how it is.

To recall that beginning phone call, this is my life:

Mom: I didn't want to talk to you or anyone

Jen: Why? What's wrong??

Mom: *silence*

Jen: Then why did you call me?

Mom: (silence) sob

�

pet ramps