Well I totally updated my site, it took a bit of searching for the right stuff, but I'm content with it now and I might take that annoying Midi off my page!

Today was weriod, I had one of those days were I'm just tired of everyone. My sis told me she shouldn't have told me her V-secret, and I said why? I told her I wasn't going to wait till marriage, and I probably would've done the same. Then I said, why give it up for someone that you know you won't marry.

Oh well, my Mom got mad at me because I said I didn't have anyone really to talk to, Max NEVER listens, he's selfish and I am SO tired of his bull shit and lying. I just want him to be truthful to me, stop acting like he's straight when he's fucking gay and a complete embrassment sometimes when we go out...he so annoys me. My sister barely listens anymore, the let-me-read-a-magazine-while-you're-talking thing and like my Mother, whom I can't talk to, she'll throw it back in my face. My Mom, of course just blabs what I say and misunderstands it and yells at me or tell others...the way she treats me sometimes, I don't want to share my feelings with her. SO they all use me, my ear, to listen to them endlessly, while they never return the favor. SO I told my mom this today and she thinks I'm depressed or suicidal or something stupid. Sorry if I have NO ONE to talk to anymore, no one has time to listen to little' Jenny anymore. Am I selfish? Or do I really have anything worth saying to listen to?

SO that kinda made me goofy today. I also researched my ass off for my 10 pg article due for my magazine journalism class, that I'm trying to get published in my school's magazine.

Oh well, I was helping my dad rake leaves last week and I got the relationship talk from my own Dad. Jesus Christ.... He said that I push to many people away--meaning my dates ... he said that I go on a date and before it can get serious I push them away.... I realize that I DO do this, I push them away before they can hurt me...before they can dump me. I've always been that way, I'm the type who must have the last word. I mean, I can't see myself falling for a guy who hasn't shown me the same...I guess I'm scared of getting hurt.... I don't know how to NOT be this way, everyone thinks it's SO easy to tell me that I'm lousy at dating, but HOW do I fix myself? I want to scream sometimes!

OH WELL I picked up the Weight Watchers magazine and flipped through it...yuck. I'm tired of weight loss thoughts, I'm tired of it. I ate HORRID today, but worked out great yesterday. Today was a splurge. I'm going to eat better tomorrow and workout. Hmm I overheard this lady in the bookstore say if you fuck up one day, the next just get back on the bandwagon...she said other things, but the store was blasting Andrea Bocelli on the speakers and I ADORE him...his new CD ....I want it...wow...I don't know what the fuck he's saying, but I like it! I was also so overjoyed to see Fiona Apple is writing her new cd, I SO love her music, it's SOOO GREAT. I LOVE the lyrics.

OH WELL I'm tired, I think I'm getting sick, my ears are closed and my head hurts. I e-mailed my college's graduation people and asked if they have plus size grad robes, I'm so worried.

JEN

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