Okay I figured out this site and added a notify list, which is goofy since who wants to be notified about my measely little life?

Okay, so this will be a semi-diary, obviously I'm not going to spill all my dirty secrets, like I have them, but I will definately be truthful about how I feel.

So I will start off saying I'm a 24 year old senior in college - Purdue - majoring in prof. writing and minoring in Journalism. I love to write, but always feel I'm not good enough, the "there's always someone better than me," syndrome. So I guess you can chalk it up to self esteem problems.

I'm also overweight, the dirtiest secret on the net or the black plague when you finally tell someone you've been talking to on the net for a while. If you don't believe me, spark up a conversation with someone then tell them you're overweight, see how fast they run. Fat is more than just a three lettered word, it's kind of like telling someone you've got cooties. A lot of people think I'm very cynical and bad attitude about the factors of weight, but I'm speaking from experience.

I've been overweight all my life. I'm not huge, I'm not a monster, though some make me feel that way. I think the stereotypes of the fat person is what really upsets me.

I work out 4 or more times a week. I try to eat right, I eat less than my skinny friends. Why am I fat? Lose metabolism equals slow weight loss. A lot of people don't understand this, thinking it's an excuse, but in reality, some of us aren't meant to be "skinny." Fat shouldn't be equated with unhealthiness as well. I rarely get sick, I have excellent blood pressure and NO diabetes, no heart problems, I am in perfect health! I'm very tired of the anti-fat people, especially men.

Okay I don't want to preach on this topic since a lot of people don't understand it, or might understand it to well. 60% of America is overweight, how come that 40% is ruining my self esteem?

I will end this topic by stating that I am currently working on self acceptance. You're probably wondering what I look like, and there is a pic of me on my web site (http://members.aol.com/yentl22/index.html) I've been told I don't even look fat, just "chunky" I'm not "big boned," I'm more like small to medium boned. I'm a plus size 22/24 and I am 5'9. I guess that my battles in elementary school and high school has left me a angry and hurt person who yearns to one day be thin enough to be considered normal. To have someone not tell me that I have a pretty face or that I could really be something if I lost that weight.

I'm possibly catering to their rudeness by working out and trying to lose so hard. Once school starts in fall I'm hitting the gym hard, really hard, since I just got a new job at the newspaper typing up briefs I don't eat lunch and am to tired to cook, and refuse to go to fast food, so my life revolves around peanut butter and jelly or noodles or cereal or chinese salad or tuna and water or pop, oh and the almighty protein bar and then I have night classes and eat my staple food once I get home. It's funny when you're so tired, you don't even want to eat.

OH YES, I was on Weight Watchers and lost 45 lbs. I'm off it now and then...more often I'm not on it, but have learned some of the tools of the trade.

Okay so you're probably tired of hearing my weight problems, but that is my biggest life concern. I hate it and think of it day to day and know I will the rest of my life.

And I already mentioned my writing concerns. I just feel like I'm not good at anything, but alright at writing. I love to write and when I do badly or don't win that award I take it personally. Writing is a piece of you and rejection is a rejection of yourself. I won 3rd place in my school's short story contest and entered the next year, 6 pieces, and didn't win a thing, I was very very hurt because my dream is to one day publish something, a book of my short stories, or something. I guess you can't win at everything, but it's nice to win sometimes.

In my next entry, I'll talk about my friends I think and maybe a bit more on personal matters with dating and men. Lord help all of us single ladies. Did you see on the news 60% of the men in some city is single? Men have it easier than us gals - fat guys are accepted, fat women...are not.

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pet ramps